11th March. The 'Chicken 'n' Mushroom' Tree.

"It's weird without the tree there anymore", was tonight's comment.

The 'Chicken and Mushroom' Tree had to go as it was beginning to cast a shadow not only over the house but also the marriage.

The 'Mushroom' tree transmogrified to the 'Chicken and Mushroom' tree after it became the habitual roost of various fowl that repeatedly refused to spend the night in the relatively soundproof hen house. The resultant neighbourhood reveille, anticipating dawn by several hours, was becoming a source of domestic disharmony.

The time for debate was over, the Robin would have to find an alternative perch for singing, the Blue Tits would have to swoop down to the peanuts from somewhere else.

Over the years the Robin, who favours the very top of this particular Leylandii, had been relentlessly pushed towards the stratosphere. At one time the bird was level with the upstairs windows, but nowadays had become practically inaudible from ground level.

A few years ago the tree had previously threatened the marriage when in an uncharacteristic frenzy I took a saw to the lower branches after another Blue Tit had been ambushed by Jiminy the cat.

"What the *uck have you done to the tree!!?" yelled Isabelle, "That was a beautiful tree!"
"It'll grow back" I answered menacingly, still wielding the saw. Of course it never did and the result was a tree that looked like a mushroom.