"It's kind of weird being here, sometimes I feel like I'm six, sometimes I'm ten, sometimes sixteen", Isabelle said to me this morning as our host Claudine rowed up and down the lake with the rest of the towns rowing club...
"There must have been something good about it"?
"No"
Isabelle was hot-housed in the dramatic arts, multi-disciplined sports and science: downhill and cross country skiing, snowshoeing, skating, violin, piano, ballet, knitting, macrame, pottery, singing, drama, oil painting, swimming, basketball, advanced physics, private mathematics tutor...
"They must have thought you were going to be Prime Minister of Canada?"
"It was all geared for success."
"That must have made failure all the more puzzling?"
"What I like to do most is to lie down and do nothing".
29th September. Arrival in Sherbrooke.
"Does it have a centre"? I enquired of the town, as the wipers of the Express bus swung incessantly to and fro. Later, whilst taking refuge in the shelter of Dunkin' Donuts, Isabelle remarked that the place "hadn't changed a bit" in the intervening two decades since her departure.
We carried on our tour of Isabelle's life up to the age of nineteen despite the continuing heavy rain. "It's maybe not the best day to see it"... I ventured.
Privately I was regretting leaving my jersey at the bus station with the rest of the stuff, but at the same time I was gaining valuable insight into the motivations behind Isabelle's desire to leave her home town.
We carried on our tour of Isabelle's life up to the age of nineteen despite the continuing heavy rain. "It's maybe not the best day to see it"... I ventured.
Privately I was regretting leaving my jersey at the bus station with the rest of the stuff, but at the same time I was gaining valuable insight into the motivations behind Isabelle's desire to leave her home town.
28th September. Quebec, Where Summer Never Ends?
Whiled away the best part of a morning in "Canadian Tire", a unique shopping experience: Ice Hockey sticks, hummingbird feeders, insulated wellies and a vast range of BBQ equipment...
The need for insulated wellies could be much reduced this year according to the latest news. Today's headlines proclaim that the remaining Polar Bears in the north of Quebec don't have any ice left to stand on.
At the present rate of warming the entire Arctic Ocean should be ice and presumably bear free, one would imagine, during the summer of 2015.
The need for insulated wellies could be much reduced this year according to the latest news. Today's headlines proclaim that the remaining Polar Bears in the north of Quebec don't have any ice left to stand on.
At the present rate of warming the entire Arctic Ocean should be ice and presumably bear free, one would imagine, during the summer of 2015.
27th September. Vacances Gastronomiques D'Urgence.
We'd scarcely gone a mile on the number 140 bus this bright and sunny morning when my attention was suddenly diverted from reading...
Isabelle, who was already out of her seat, announced an immediate need "to eat", due to Hypoglycemia or some such affliction. Luckily we had just that minute passed a Vietnamese restaurant at the last bus stop just a short walk away.
"I simply cannot eat sugar in the mornings" she hypothesised,
"You mean that sherbet you had for breakfast"? I asked as we were guided directly to an empty table.
"I really don't think I'm exercising enough" she mused whilst making short work of the "Plat du Jour".
Isabelle, who was already out of her seat, announced an immediate need "to eat", due to Hypoglycemia or some such affliction. Luckily we had just that minute passed a Vietnamese restaurant at the last bus stop just a short walk away.
"I simply cannot eat sugar in the mornings" she hypothesised,
"You mean that sherbet you had for breakfast"? I asked as we were guided directly to an empty table.
"I really don't think I'm exercising enough" she mused whilst making short work of the "Plat du Jour".
26th September. Vacances Gastronomique Locale.
This evening Isabelle telephoned an order to "Mikes" in a semi-realistic attempt to recreate something of childhood treats eating "Poutine Italienne" in front of Commercial Television. "Mikes" specialises in sundry variants of Quebec's favourite fast-food. The basic form, consisting of chips covered with a layer of half-melted rubbery cheese something akin to Mozarrella, and BBQ sauce is known as "Poutine". "Poutine Italienne" replaces the BBQ sauce with a layer of Bolognese sauce, giving rise to its Latino label.
Although Quebec has become more health conscious of late, perhaps, not surprisingly, a high incidence of strokes and heart disease still persists...
Although Quebec has become more health conscious of late, perhaps, not surprisingly, a high incidence of strokes and heart disease still persists...
25th September. The Life of Great Uncle Percy.
In actual fact the Gendreau property is half in Canada and half in the United States. As this was a little on the impractical side the authorities politely moved the border for the sake of administration and taxes to the river separating the Gendreaus from the Robinsons. Who incidentally are either side of that other great barrier; language.
Great Uncle Percy, now Ninety years old, exploited this geographical anomaly for a while during the 1950`s. In addition to dairy farming Percy was engaged in a cross border smuggling operation involving his neighbour Mr Robinson, a horse and cart and a considerable number of cigarettes.
This practice continued until Great Uncle Percy was denounced to the authorities by an informer. The resulting court case in Montreal ended with a $300 fine and imprisonment. However as a result of a bowel constriction whilst in custody which required immediate hospitalisation, Great Uncle Percy only actually served one night of his sentence...
Great Uncle Percy, now Ninety years old, exploited this geographical anomaly for a while during the 1950`s. In addition to dairy farming Percy was engaged in a cross border smuggling operation involving his neighbour Mr Robinson, a horse and cart and a considerable number of cigarettes.
This practice continued until Great Uncle Percy was denounced to the authorities by an informer. The resulting court case in Montreal ended with a $300 fine and imprisonment. However as a result of a bowel constriction whilst in custody which required immediate hospitalisation, Great Uncle Percy only actually served one night of his sentence...
24th September. This Was a Modern World.
Isabelle had me up early inflating ballons for the celebration of her Grandmothers 92nd birthday. Grandmother is being escorted back here to her childhood home that she first escaped from sometime in the 1930`s. On that particular occasion she was deported back over the border from the U.S. for working without a work permit.
Later she again contrived a move to a more urban setting, her wedding day coinciding with the dropping of the first Atom Bomb. And so began a modern life with every domestic convenience far from the mud and the herd of milking cows...
Later she again contrived a move to a more urban setting, her wedding day coinciding with the dropping of the first Atom Bomb. And so began a modern life with every domestic convenience far from the mud and the herd of milking cows...
23rd September. The House of The Phantoms.
`If I had a million dollars I would buy the house from my cousin` confided Isabelles mother. The farmhouse in question, now a holiday let, was built about 130 years ago by Isabelles Great-Great-Grandfather, Napoleon Gendreau. The house is essentially in the middle of nowhere, on the border with the U.S.
Personally I spent a night untroubled by any supernatural happenings apart from the usual mysterious disappearance of the duvet by first light. The story goes that Isabelles Grandmother as a young person was witness to the woman down the road paying a visit to tuck her in at night. Needless to say the woman down the road had just shuffled off this mortal coil a few days previously...
Then there was also the tragic accident of Isabelles Great Aunt Alfeda who slipped on some ice incurring a head injury in the days before CAT Scans. After being carted back into the house she died shortly after, silently screaming, aged only sixteen...
Luckily, for us, some holidaying healers recently invited any remaining restless spirits to vacate the premises `tout de suite`.
Personally I spent a night untroubled by any supernatural happenings apart from the usual mysterious disappearance of the duvet by first light. The story goes that Isabelles Grandmother as a young person was witness to the woman down the road paying a visit to tuck her in at night. Needless to say the woman down the road had just shuffled off this mortal coil a few days previously...
Then there was also the tragic accident of Isabelles Great Aunt Alfeda who slipped on some ice incurring a head injury in the days before CAT Scans. After being carted back into the house she died shortly after, silently screaming, aged only sixteen...
Luckily, for us, some holidaying healers recently invited any remaining restless spirits to vacate the premises `tout de suite`.
22nd September. Vacances Gastronomiques II.
This evening we were driven to what was described as a Rustic Eatery. Everything was certainly rustic, apart from the bottom line of $700 and something, admittedly though for 10 people...
Still I got to eat part of an Octopus, squid bits and a rabbit in semolina both of which went down a treat along with innumerable side dishes and several bottles of a particularly fine red.
Had an interesting conversation with a Tunisian chap now resident in Canada. I said what was it like when you first ate bacon, did you think something terrible would happen. Apparently not. Many people see the world differently once they ve tasted freedom or was it unsmoked rindless back...
Still I got to eat part of an Octopus, squid bits and a rabbit in semolina both of which went down a treat along with innumerable side dishes and several bottles of a particularly fine red.
Had an interesting conversation with a Tunisian chap now resident in Canada. I said what was it like when you first ate bacon, did you think something terrible would happen. Apparently not. Many people see the world differently once they ve tasted freedom or was it unsmoked rindless back...
21st September. Vacances Gastronomiques Continuees
Rendez-vous'd with Isabelles sister and dad at Juste Nouilles (Just Noodles). Cantonese, Sechuanese, Thai, Vietnamese. you name it, but the chef is Canadian. I just had what K. had for the sake of argument. K's choice turned out to be a bit on the spicey side but tasty enough. Nowadays i've got a reasonable handle on the use of chopsticks, which is one less source of potential embarrassment as far as table etiquette goes...
The major side-effect of chilli of course is the tendency for increased activity in the nasal passages, which can be problematic, especially for anyone, such as I, who suffers from that uncommon affliction of napkin phobia..
Another possible breech of accepted behaviour one has to guard against can occur whilst spooning up chilli-laced noodle liquid with those porcelain spoons normally provided.
Any slight inhalation of the chilli can have an effect that can only be described as catastrophic for any diners in the immediate vicinity. Isabelles dad had pointed out the chilli itself early on "Don't eat that, its a chilli!" however I was already wise to that one , I must admit.
It seemed as if embarrassment had almost been circumvented having made it back out onto the pavement. Apart from having first paid for only one bowl instead of four and forgetting to tip 15%, but this was really a private concern...
Then Isabelle, rather abruptly I thought, requested my return inside to the toilets.
The combination of Chilli, tomato, noodles and liquid had, despite due care and attention, left its indelible mark on most of my face...
The major side-effect of chilli of course is the tendency for increased activity in the nasal passages, which can be problematic, especially for anyone, such as I, who suffers from that uncommon affliction of napkin phobia..
Another possible breech of accepted behaviour one has to guard against can occur whilst spooning up chilli-laced noodle liquid with those porcelain spoons normally provided.
Any slight inhalation of the chilli can have an effect that can only be described as catastrophic for any diners in the immediate vicinity. Isabelles dad had pointed out the chilli itself early on "Don't eat that, its a chilli!" however I was already wise to that one , I must admit.
It seemed as if embarrassment had almost been circumvented having made it back out onto the pavement. Apart from having first paid for only one bowl instead of four and forgetting to tip 15%, but this was really a private concern...
Then Isabelle, rather abruptly I thought, requested my return inside to the toilets.
The combination of Chilli, tomato, noodles and liquid had, despite due care and attention, left its indelible mark on most of my face...
20th September. Old Montreal, New France.
Nothing better to do than lie on the grass and stare up at the sky...
Quickly succumbing to the effects of jet lag.
Mind you this is a different piece of sky to look up at here, just where a stream of countless immigrants disembarked down the gang plank and gave thanks to the Lord for deliverance to their very own promised land...
Yes, after the extinction of the European Beaver the discovery of more Beavers to trap in Canada was timely. So they did a roaring trade until, despite the vastness of the hinterland, supplies of Beavers started to dwindle, once again.
Today there is little evidence of anything commercial concerning Beavers. Quite what everyone does for a living nowadays in Montreal, remains something of a mystery, but I suspect mainly mouse clicking...
Quickly succumbing to the effects of jet lag.
Mind you this is a different piece of sky to look up at here, just where a stream of countless immigrants disembarked down the gang plank and gave thanks to the Lord for deliverance to their very own promised land...
Yes, after the extinction of the European Beaver the discovery of more Beavers to trap in Canada was timely. So they did a roaring trade until, despite the vastness of the hinterland, supplies of Beavers started to dwindle, once again.
Today there is little evidence of anything commercial concerning Beavers. Quite what everyone does for a living nowadays in Montreal, remains something of a mystery, but I suspect mainly mouse clicking...
19th September. Schwartz's Original World famous Smoked Meat.
Directions from passers-by as to the whereabouts of the famous Hebrew Delicatessen pointed out that there would be a line outside. Sure enough the queue stretched along the pavement in front of apparently less popular restaurants. Curiousity grew as to what exactly the attraction could be once one was admitted into the fairly run down shop, established 1928. The only clue was the various pieces of meat and sausages hanging up in the front window. Eventually entry was gained into the packed shop which seemed little changed from the 1940's probably due to the constant demand and late opening hours.
We just had what everyone else was having ie "Smoked Meat" fries and Cherry Coke. The "meat" in question is actually beef but looks like ham. Calorific value is high and not recommended as any part of a weight loss programme, also vegetarian options are limited. The Place mats detail a list of famous people who have visited the shop, Burt Lancaster among them but not Madonna. I couldn't see Madonna and Smoked Meat going together...
We just had what everyone else was having ie "Smoked Meat" fries and Cherry Coke. The "meat" in question is actually beef but looks like ham. Calorific value is high and not recommended as any part of a weight loss programme, also vegetarian options are limited. The Place mats detail a list of famous people who have visited the shop, Burt Lancaster among them but not Madonna. I couldn't see Madonna and Smoked Meat going together...
18th September. Kilimanjaro! You're Kidding.
Woke up at 6am local time, which is technically about the middle of the day for us.
Came down to find Isabelle in front of local TV and her mother kitted out in shorts and trainers about to go out running...
This is all part of the training program for a forthcoming fund raising ascent of the roof of Africa, in about five weeks. I took the opportunity of accompanying her along the banks of the St Lawrence. Isabelle is pleased for her but possibly a little amazed at this latest announcement...
Isabelles mother seems to have contracted a more virulent strain of the "Activia" virus to myself affecting thoughts of impending age and senility.
Came down to find Isabelle in front of local TV and her mother kitted out in shorts and trainers about to go out running...
This is all part of the training program for a forthcoming fund raising ascent of the roof of Africa, in about five weeks. I took the opportunity of accompanying her along the banks of the St Lawrence. Isabelle is pleased for her but possibly a little amazed at this latest announcement...
Isabelles mother seems to have contracted a more virulent strain of the "Activia" virus to myself affecting thoughts of impending age and senility.
17th September. Montreal Restaurants Revisited.
Last night on our arrival in the cosmopolitan metropolis, we were treated to the first of many meals out, at a local Lebanese restaurant courtesy of Isabelles Brother-in-law, Ayk. The word was that people seemed to be quietly impressed with my new found affability and increased willingness to try new foods including raw mince.
This bears a marked contrsst to the debacle of a few years ago at a Swiss fondue restaurant, when I must admit that boredom appeared to have got the better of me. After attempting to set fire to a cork with the fondue burning apparatus, Isabelles mother was caused to remark privately that my behaviour was "Like a five year old"...
This bears a marked contrsst to the debacle of a few years ago at a Swiss fondue restaurant, when I must admit that boredom appeared to have got the better of me. After attempting to set fire to a cork with the fondue burning apparatus, Isabelles mother was caused to remark privately that my behaviour was "Like a five year old"...
16th September. New Baggage Allowances..
Isabelle has recently purchased all new suitcases in a shocking pink. This makes for an easy identification on the carousel. However i must admit to a certain embarrassment whilst pulling them off onto the trolley, especially when she had gone on ahead.
As far as the new baggage allowances goes i think passengers should be weighed together with their suitcases. For instance a fellow female passenger who tips the scales with an additional weight in excess of 40 kg should have an allowance of precisely 0 kgs. either that or my limit can be doubled, because weight is weight as far as take-off is concerned.
Regarding the new airport security measures including having your trainers x-rayed and not carrying any make up; well in the future, travellers will be subject to a much more stringent regime. They will be forced to strip and given a full body search. Their passport number will be tattoed on the inside of the forearm after showering and de-lousing of their shaven heads. Their clothes will be left outside the showers and will follow "ahead" with the hold baggage, a band will play during the proceedings...
As far as the new baggage allowances goes i think passengers should be weighed together with their suitcases. For instance a fellow female passenger who tips the scales with an additional weight in excess of 40 kg should have an allowance of precisely 0 kgs. either that or my limit can be doubled, because weight is weight as far as take-off is concerned.
Regarding the new airport security measures including having your trainers x-rayed and not carrying any make up; well in the future, travellers will be subject to a much more stringent regime. They will be forced to strip and given a full body search. Their passport number will be tattoed on the inside of the forearm after showering and de-lousing of their shaven heads. Their clothes will be left outside the showers and will follow "ahead" with the hold baggage, a band will play during the proceedings...
15th September. Flight from My Life
This time tomorrow we should be somewhere else. In a tiny little room under the flight path to Gatwick.
I find these interludes away from home completely strip me of my identity. Who am i ? certainly not Chimney Repair Man, To people like Mrs H, that's who i am. I must say that particular identity fits like an old pair of slippers, but feeling comfortable is a royal road to stagnation, so they say.
Its hard to imagine that on my deathbed I would think; i wish i'd lined a lot more chimneys when i had the chance. Chances are, what one would think in reality, would be on the lines of "I could have done something".
I wonder what that something means? Like discovering Penicillin or winning the Lottery? Discovering Penicillin is probably nearer the mark, and the Lottery probably wouldn't change anything from the last breath point of view..
I wish i'd been a more irritating bore doesn't ring true either...
I find these interludes away from home completely strip me of my identity. Who am i ? certainly not Chimney Repair Man, To people like Mrs H, that's who i am. I must say that particular identity fits like an old pair of slippers, but feeling comfortable is a royal road to stagnation, so they say.
Its hard to imagine that on my deathbed I would think; i wish i'd lined a lot more chimneys when i had the chance. Chances are, what one would think in reality, would be on the lines of "I could have done something".
I wonder what that something means? Like discovering Penicillin or winning the Lottery? Discovering Penicillin is probably nearer the mark, and the Lottery probably wouldn't change anything from the last breath point of view..
I wish i'd been a more irritating bore doesn't ring true either...
14th September. Mrs H and the Alpacas
Mrs H is going to be breeding Alpacas. The Alpaca is a bit like a Llama and comes from places such as Peru. Sort of like a small woolly Camel, and much favoured by the Incas and what have you as the basis of a long standing textile industry. I'm sure any package tour in the Andes involves "an opportunity" for shopping at an approved outlet for woven Alpaca products. Much like the ordeal of the Turkish carpet weaving shop. In Egypt it was the Government approved Papyrus shop, in Mexico it was the Mescal Factory, in Hong Kong it was the diamond cutting shop also Government approved,..
Which reminds me that we've got to go to Canada on Saturday. Trips to Montreal do not normally involve tour buses to retail outlets. This is a different type of deal/ordeal known as visiting the In-laws...
It's hot in summer and cold in winter. In the autumn presumably it can be hot and cold and at the same time? But with these new bagage allowances it's likely I'll only be taking what I can stand up in, as Isabelle has a very much longer list of essentials.
Which reminds me that we've got to go to Canada on Saturday. Trips to Montreal do not normally involve tour buses to retail outlets. This is a different type of deal/ordeal known as visiting the In-laws...
It's hot in summer and cold in winter. In the autumn presumably it can be hot and cold and at the same time? But with these new bagage allowances it's likely I'll only be taking what I can stand up in, as Isabelle has a very much longer list of essentials.
13th September. Accumulating Deposit.
Had the financial advisor round tonight. If only I'd invested one pound at 1% compound interest at the time of the Birth of Christ, I'd be ok for a pension fund then. That initial investment would now be worth the equivalent of two orbs of solid gold, each one the size of planet earth. As things stand, I've probably left it a bit late...
Those bats in Mrs H's attic provide an excellent illustration of good savings strategy. Each bat makes a small deposit every day and over time these stack up into a quite a pile, as my nostrils can testify.
Those bats in Mrs H's attic provide an excellent illustration of good savings strategy. Each bat makes a small deposit every day and over time these stack up into a quite a pile, as my nostrils can testify.
12th September. Bat City.
Emerging into Mrs H's attic my nostrils were assailed by a remarkable but familiar pungency. As I made my way on all fours trailing the lead light I came upon a red plastic card inscribed thus; THIS AREA IS USED BY BATS WHICH ARE PROTECTED BY LAW. if you intend to disturb the bats or their roost please phone SNH.
These flying mice could well disrupt the entire scheduling here at Mrs H's, if I'm not careful. Moving forward to the far end of the attic a huge pile of bat's mess was evident, the source of the noxious vapours. The creatures twittered and wittered between themselves, all crammed into a space above their handiwork of several years.
The question was; what exactly does it take to disturb a bat? if they can't "see" presumably electric light wouldn't matter, but what about a Kango Electric Hammer? i wasn't exactly near the bats but opted for the less obtrusive chiselling by hand into the brickwork. After about 30 secs or less, I decided they would just have to cope with the Kango hammer... Initially I expected the roof space to fill with disturbed bats out of hell, all flapping around, but nothing happened... The bats stayed put and just kept twittering.
These flying mice could well disrupt the entire scheduling here at Mrs H's, if I'm not careful. Moving forward to the far end of the attic a huge pile of bat's mess was evident, the source of the noxious vapours. The creatures twittered and wittered between themselves, all crammed into a space above their handiwork of several years.
The question was; what exactly does it take to disturb a bat? if they can't "see" presumably electric light wouldn't matter, but what about a Kango Electric Hammer? i wasn't exactly near the bats but opted for the less obtrusive chiselling by hand into the brickwork. After about 30 secs or less, I decided they would just have to cope with the Kango hammer... Initially I expected the roof space to fill with disturbed bats out of hell, all flapping around, but nothing happened... The bats stayed put and just kept twittering.
11th September. Mrs H's Blockage.
Here, err... we are falling asleep at the laptop after the extended BBQ interval. Today wasn't exactly a Hammock Day as I was completely taken up with rubble creation out near Lintrathen. The climax of the day was getting Mrs H's new chimney liner stuck halfway up the living room chimney. Tomorrow I'm looking forward to crawling around in a hot attic full of fibreglass to bash a hole in the wall and further wrestle with the unwilling tube... Yawn...
10th September. What The Hen Saw (and Heard).
It later transpired that during the entire Meat Roasting Spectacular, the "Missing Hen" had been there in the herbaceous border sitting on her eggs, forced to endure a rich pageant of sights, sounds and smells.
The Gin Ladies from next door and two or three other Die Hards stayed on to the bitter end around the fire at 3.15 am. So in effect the cooking, eating and drinking had been continuous for 23 hours. Stuart agreed to extinguish all 98 candles and suspended nightlights in the interest of Isabelle's peace of mind...
Despite my own misgivings about spiralling costs of items other than deer & beer, for instance huge outdoor candles, M&S chocolate desserts etc, there's no doubt this flickering night time constellation greatly added to the general ambience.
For the incubating hen, the highlight was probably either Hendrix's interpretation of "The Star Spangled Banner", or Eddie Van Halen's "Eruption".
The Gin Ladies from next door and two or three other Die Hards stayed on to the bitter end around the fire at 3.15 am. So in effect the cooking, eating and drinking had been continuous for 23 hours. Stuart agreed to extinguish all 98 candles and suspended nightlights in the interest of Isabelle's peace of mind...
Despite my own misgivings about spiralling costs of items other than deer & beer, for instance huge outdoor candles, M&S chocolate desserts etc, there's no doubt this flickering night time constellation greatly added to the general ambience.
For the incubating hen, the highlight was probably either Hendrix's interpretation of "The Star Spangled Banner", or Eddie Van Halen's "Eruption".
9th September. Red Meat Day Anxiety
A 4.30am alarm call soon saw me scrabbling about in the moonlight and mist down the bottom of the garden. Eventually I managed to coax the dew soaked firewood to burn. Now attention could be turned to lifting the oily deer onto the recently finished spit. Not that easy but a complete doddle compared to plastering it in dough. This kept stretching and great wads of it would fall off onto the drive and then become studded with chippings. Time was going on... "Its not working'! I blurted...
Isabelle came up with the idea of using aluminium foil so I rushed off and bought the entire stock at the local shop. Once the foil covered the whole beast the appearance was more of a space age cooking process or the treatment of a hypothermia victim.
Now this was real adventure cooking as there was some doubt as to whether it would ever get even remotely warm inside the foil. The guests could arrive with suitable appetites and witness the foil removed to reveal practically raw meat.
Needless to say this was another textbook case in the long running battle against overt pessimism; by 3pm the meat proved to be juicy, succulent and worthy of any praise heaped upon it.
Isabelle came up with the idea of using aluminium foil so I rushed off and bought the entire stock at the local shop. Once the foil covered the whole beast the appearance was more of a space age cooking process or the treatment of a hypothermia victim.
Now this was real adventure cooking as there was some doubt as to whether it would ever get even remotely warm inside the foil. The guests could arrive with suitable appetites and witness the foil removed to reveal practically raw meat.
Needless to say this was another textbook case in the long running battle against overt pessimism; by 3pm the meat proved to be juicy, succulent and worthy of any praise heaped upon it.
8th September. More Than
If it was just me, this BBQ thing would probably consist of simply deer and beer, and would have been advertised as such. There may not even have been any lettuce, perhaps mashed potatoes but that would have been it.
Now of course, over the last few days we've seen a gradual spiralling of costs because of all the other "extras", like 98 candles festooning the trees Isabelle tells me. I ask you? a fire hazard if anything. Then there's all the other fripperies and tripperies usually from M&S that no self-respecting BBQ can be without, such as whisky and double cream sauce, desserts, out of season fruits, things with chocolate in it. I'm surprised we haven't engaged a minor TV personality to declare that "This BBQ is now open"...
Now of course, over the last few days we've seen a gradual spiralling of costs because of all the other "extras", like 98 candles festooning the trees Isabelle tells me. I ask you? a fire hazard if anything. Then there's all the other fripperies and tripperies usually from M&S that no self-respecting BBQ can be without, such as whisky and double cream sauce, desserts, out of season fruits, things with chocolate in it. I'm surprised we haven't engaged a minor TV personality to declare that "This BBQ is now open"...
7th September. Game For a Laugh.
The aerobatic display for this Saturdays BBQ has suffered logistical problems. By coincidence our event conflicts with the other Air Show at RAF Leuchars, so there are tighter restrictions on the flying of aircraft that day, so Alistair tells me. And, due to childcare duties, a Primary 1. child would also have to have been strapped into the front seat of the requisite hire plane. This leaves the rotating animal plastered with flour and cider as the main focus, aside from the ale...
When I picked up the deer today I was greeted by a huge Pole about the size of a bear, who came staggering out of the game merchants clutching what looked like a gigantic skinned rabbit to his chest. "I think is a little large for you, no'?
"No, no that'll do fine". The bear realeased the huge rabbit-like carcass which flopped down in the trailer, then went back to work on something furry but nondescript hanging up inside, while I wrote out the cheque...
It's all coming together, and falling apart at the same time.
When I picked up the deer today I was greeted by a huge Pole about the size of a bear, who came staggering out of the game merchants clutching what looked like a gigantic skinned rabbit to his chest. "I think is a little large for you, no'?
"No, no that'll do fine". The bear realeased the huge rabbit-like carcass which flopped down in the trailer, then went back to work on something furry but nondescript hanging up inside, while I wrote out the cheque...
It's all coming together, and falling apart at the same time.
6th September. Deer Oh Dear?
Telephoned Athelstone this morning to check on progress with butchering one of the residents on the Estate. I was indeed shocked to learn that The Gamekeeper had suffered some sort of injury to his heel and hadn't been "out" at all i.e with a high powered rifle. Thus it could well have been the Achilles heel of this year's Roasted Beast Event. Just a lot of beer and nothing to eat except lettuce, still a meal in itself, you might say, but not quite the same visual and olfactory spectacular.
Luckily A. has managed to wangle one from a game dealer; I am to collect it tomorrow,
"You don't want the head on?"
"That's right, and no lower legs."
The antlers could get tangled up in the spit driving mechanism and there would be nowhere to put the legs anyway.
The idea is to marinade it in the trailer with red wine and olive oil for a day.
I might add that the trailer will be lined with a brand new plastic tarpaulin otherwise additional flavours such as soot and cement could be expected.
But why marinade? Well how do you like your Venison? Like leather or like cardboard?...
Luckily A. has managed to wangle one from a game dealer; I am to collect it tomorrow,
"You don't want the head on?"
"That's right, and no lower legs."
The antlers could get tangled up in the spit driving mechanism and there would be nowhere to put the legs anyway.
The idea is to marinade it in the trailer with red wine and olive oil for a day.
I might add that the trailer will be lined with a brand new plastic tarpaulin otherwise additional flavours such as soot and cement could be expected.
But why marinade? Well how do you like your Venison? Like leather or like cardboard?...
5th September. T.T.T. Results.
Results have been posted on the Web. I find that I wasn't completely last, just 111th out of 130. Of course that isn't the real result, the result is annoyance; annoyance that if I could have gone any faster, I didn't.
At the time, when I was drying between my toes before wheeling out the bicycle, I couldn't have cared less about the results.
The results are also in from the Psychological Prediction; no, not everyone is a "suited, competitive, middle-aged bloke that takes himself far too seriously". But maybe that's just an approximation to what I could turn into, through the medium of competitive sport?
One more result before THE END; I've finally discovered what my "Category" is... Veteran. Veteran! So old and knackered that they have to artificially separate you from the common herd, to 'give you a bit of a chance". In fact a couple more years and I'll be even further out of it as a 'Super Vet".
A Triathlon for Supervets would properly consist of:
Two lengths of the pool paddling a lilo,
Once round the car park on a tricycle,
Fifty yard dash to the lavatory with a zimmer.
I should have suggested introducing this format to Mrs Weale at the care home on Monday, although Mother wouldn't have thanked me.
At the time, when I was drying between my toes before wheeling out the bicycle, I couldn't have cared less about the results.
The results are also in from the Psychological Prediction; no, not everyone is a "suited, competitive, middle-aged bloke that takes himself far too seriously". But maybe that's just an approximation to what I could turn into, through the medium of competitive sport?
One more result before THE END; I've finally discovered what my "Category" is... Veteran. Veteran! So old and knackered that they have to artificially separate you from the common herd, to 'give you a bit of a chance". In fact a couple more years and I'll be even further out of it as a 'Super Vet".
A Triathlon for Supervets would properly consist of:
Two lengths of the pool paddling a lilo,
Once round the car park on a tricycle,
Fifty yard dash to the lavatory with a zimmer.
I should have suggested introducing this format to Mrs Weale at the care home on Monday, although Mother wouldn't have thanked me.
4th September. £7.99 to be Sick. Bargain!
Due to a jam of slow moving traffic, decided to pull off into a Little Chef for tea. Isabelle said she was thinking of having the Steak & Kidney Suet Pudding, I said have whatever you like. I opted for the Great British Breakfast, despite the fact that it was past 7 o'clock at night.
Isabelle dutifully worked through most of the pudding leaving only the outer casing. Then shortly after excused herself, announcing that a billious attack was in progress and the whole thing was begining to "rise up again". This was apparently on account of the stop/ start nature of the last few miles of driving...
Isabelle dutifully worked through most of the pudding leaving only the outer casing. Then shortly after excused herself, announcing that a billious attack was in progress and the whole thing was begining to "rise up again". This was apparently on account of the stop/ start nature of the last few miles of driving...
3rd September. Running On Empty.
Arrived at 7am for Triathlon registration in the near deserted, wind blown town centre feeling like death warmed up.
"I haven't got a helmet, do I need one?"
"Helmets are compulsary."
"Ahh... That means I'm subject to immediate disqualification!"
Unfortunately a helmet was to be had for a fiver in the car park.
Five, four, three, two, one .... Then off into a tumult of choppy chlorinated water and thrashing bodies. Apart from a periodic Ready Brek up-chuck, illness had little manifestation in this first section.
Transition to bicycle took an age because I insisted on drying between my toes. But I was soon pedalling past other riders and other riders were soon pedalling past me.
No running section,as this was flooded out, so once dismounted I could straight away return to feeling ill again.
"I haven't got a helmet, do I need one?"
"Helmets are compulsary."
"Ahh... That means I'm subject to immediate disqualification!"
Unfortunately a helmet was to be had for a fiver in the car park.
Five, four, three, two, one .... Then off into a tumult of choppy chlorinated water and thrashing bodies. Apart from a periodic Ready Brek up-chuck, illness had little manifestation in this first section.
Transition to bicycle took an age because I insisted on drying between my toes. But I was soon pedalling past other riders and other riders were soon pedalling past me.
No running section,as this was flooded out, so once dismounted I could straight away return to feeling ill again.
2nd September. T.T.T. Tragedy.
It would have been worse if I'd been training for 5 years with the very real hope of an Olympic medal in the finals tomorrow. Imagine being incapacitated the day before by a Blueberry Muffin or was it that Tuna sandwich? from the motorway services. Either way it's difficult to know exactly how ill one is. "How do you feel"? Well particularly ill if I think of Tuna sandwiches...
1st September. The Long and Hypnogogic Road.
Due to traffic hold ups our car journey took a little longer than anticipated. The combined effects of early morning swimming and the incessant thrum of tyres on the road caused me to experience an altered state of conciousness at the wheel.
Isabelle who was asleep, but more from too little exercise than too much, kept waking up and shouting; "Your eyes are SHUT!" However from the passenger seat the only eye visible to her was the left. It's never been a very good eye anyway so if it was shut, did it really matter that much?
Isabelle who was asleep, but more from too little exercise than too much, kept waking up and shouting; "Your eyes are SHUT!" However from the passenger seat the only eye visible to her was the left. It's never been a very good eye anyway so if it was shut, did it really matter that much?
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