The eighties theme continued with the soundtrack to breakfast, Elton John being the exception that proves the rule with 'Candle in The Wind', merely a re-working of some earlier number.
It seems to me that living one's life like a candle in the wind would be wholly impractical with little in the way of long term prospects.
Anyway, 'a goldfish in a bowl' might have been a more accurate appraisal of the life in question.
30th October. Karma Chameleon.
Boy George is still big in Bohemia as is every other obscure eighties pop artiste.
"What it is..." I explained to Isabelle at the fast food sausage stand in the town centre against the background of 'Sister Sledge' - "It's like everything, you always want what you can't have, especially if it's prohibited or officially denied."
They were greedy for western culture and when they got their hands on it, well, they could never let go of Culture Club and all the rest.
"What it is..." I explained to Isabelle at the fast food sausage stand in the town centre against the background of 'Sister Sledge' - "It's like everything, you always want what you can't have, especially if it's prohibited or officially denied."
They were greedy for western culture and when they got their hands on it, well, they could never let go of Culture Club and all the rest.
28th October. Blar Mor Bar Fallout.
"What's with the sandpaper George?" enquired Jimmy outside the B&B.
"I've heard that if you don't take the moulded bits off the tyres you're much more likely to fall off."
George had already gone for a spot of 'off-roading' the day before finding himself and new BMW in a field.
One of the main hazards besides wet roads, pine needles, and failing eyesight is riding with a blood alcohol level in excess of the legal maximum.
I noticed this morning when the alarm went off experiencing a greater than average difficulty working out if the clocks had gone forward or back and whether it was half past seven or half past nine.
"Well in 1969 when they didn't put the clocks back every child had to be issued with a flourescent armband because it was darker than it should be."
"So it should be lighter."
"Doh...?"
It's true that gin and tonic leaves you with less of a hangover but the grossly impaired judgement remains unchanged, I thought whilst overtaking a line of cars and feeling surprised to find several others coming the other way...
"I've heard that if you don't take the moulded bits off the tyres you're much more likely to fall off."
George had already gone for a spot of 'off-roading' the day before finding himself and new BMW in a field.
One of the main hazards besides wet roads, pine needles, and failing eyesight is riding with a blood alcohol level in excess of the legal maximum.
I noticed this morning when the alarm went off experiencing a greater than average difficulty working out if the clocks had gone forward or back and whether it was half past seven or half past nine.
"Well in 1969 when they didn't put the clocks back every child had to be issued with a flourescent armband because it was darker than it should be."
"So it should be lighter."
"Doh...?"
It's true that gin and tonic leaves you with less of a hangover but the grossly impaired judgement remains unchanged, I thought whilst overtaking a line of cars and feeling surprised to find several others coming the other way...
26th October. Thrill Shirker.
The fragility of the human frame still plagues my mind somewhat, after the stainless steel pipe incident (see previous).
The rain comes on at about 5pm as I balance on a short piece of ladder made from scrap wood straddling the ridge of the P's roof just to give the extra height to lift bags of insulating beads up to the chimney pot.
How dangerous is this really? I don't know, it probably looks risky from the hairdressers over the road but then that's the only real fun in the whole job.
My God it would be boring if it was all at ground level.
The forecast for the weekend is heavy rain and wind saturday then just heavy rain on sunday, perfect weather for going away on a motorbike with failing eyesight, saturday.
Then a hangover and failing eyesight on sunday, probably heartburn am. after a curry.
The comparatively still weather we've been enjoying means that a lot of the leaves are still on the trees, by sunday they should be covering the wet tarmac.
Isn't that more dangerous?
The rain comes on at about 5pm as I balance on a short piece of ladder made from scrap wood straddling the ridge of the P's roof just to give the extra height to lift bags of insulating beads up to the chimney pot.
How dangerous is this really? I don't know, it probably looks risky from the hairdressers over the road but then that's the only real fun in the whole job.
My God it would be boring if it was all at ground level.
The forecast for the weekend is heavy rain and wind saturday then just heavy rain on sunday, perfect weather for going away on a motorbike with failing eyesight, saturday.
Then a hangover and failing eyesight on sunday, probably heartburn am. after a curry.
The comparatively still weather we've been enjoying means that a lot of the leaves are still on the trees, by sunday they should be covering the wet tarmac.
Isn't that more dangerous?
25th October. Details-My Arse!
Mrs K has proved to be a bit of a pain when it comes to 'The Look' of the finished installation.
It seems to be that the more minimalist the style the more what little details remain matter.
So they left this huge slab of maple which has to be stuck on the wall sticking out above the fireplace, no visible means of attachment showing, of course.
Looking at this block of wood I thought if its that way up that black bit in the grain will be kind of obvious but maybe that's a feature...?
I'm sure which ever way I put the thing she'll think that it was obvious to anyone that it should have been the other way up.
He will probably be on the phone tomorrow interfacing between her and me putting the case forward diplomatically for the inversion of said block.
In that case I'll suggest that they give it a coat of wood primer followed by Dulux Brilliant White Non-drip Gloss.
It seems to be that the more minimalist the style the more what little details remain matter.
So they left this huge slab of maple which has to be stuck on the wall sticking out above the fireplace, no visible means of attachment showing, of course.
Looking at this block of wood I thought if its that way up that black bit in the grain will be kind of obvious but maybe that's a feature...?
I'm sure which ever way I put the thing she'll think that it was obvious to anyone that it should have been the other way up.
He will probably be on the phone tomorrow interfacing between her and me putting the case forward diplomatically for the inversion of said block.
In that case I'll suggest that they give it a coat of wood primer followed by Dulux Brilliant White Non-drip Gloss.
24th October. Jamais vu.
I was a bit early arriving to look at the proposed chimney installation, darkness was falling, I took the opportunity to relieve my bladder behind an ornamental dwarf conifer.
I took stock of the precipitous slope of the drive up to the house, quite an unusual location I thought.
Anyway after a while the owner comes home and puts the lights on, leading me through the kitchen and down the split level staircase, he turns and says "You've been here before and gave us a quote a few years ago."
"I don't think so." I said, thinking it must have been 'Old R' when he was more likely to actually turn up and give a quote.
"No, I'm sure it was you, about five years ago but another baby came along and we never got round to it..."
It's funny, you do get these people who say "Oh I never forget a face."
In this case i seemed to have forgotten not only a face but also a name, address and a complete house and garden.
I took stock of the precipitous slope of the drive up to the house, quite an unusual location I thought.
Anyway after a while the owner comes home and puts the lights on, leading me through the kitchen and down the split level staircase, he turns and says "You've been here before and gave us a quote a few years ago."
"I don't think so." I said, thinking it must have been 'Old R' when he was more likely to actually turn up and give a quote.
"No, I'm sure it was you, about five years ago but another baby came along and we never got round to it..."
It's funny, you do get these people who say "Oh I never forget a face."
In this case i seemed to have forgotten not only a face but also a name, address and a complete house and garden.
23rd October. Career Opportunities.
Junior phones up from Glasgow on the pre-text of career advice but never having had a proper job I'm afraid I don't have much to say. he seems to be getting a bit bored stacking shelves at Boots.
"What about chimneys?"
"Well is it really a living? I don't buy a new car every year."
"Well it's not your thing is it?"
"That's not the point."
Today making myself a cup of tea at the L's I reached for the milk and a fridge magnet caught my eye. Picking it off the door I realised it was a product from the company started by my best friend from primary school (Queens award to industry, £10 million turnover).
Of course this is a direct continuation of making stuff for those Church Bring & Buy sales when we had our own stall and I told him what to do.
And then later his father gave me a bollocking for selling home made cricket bats (of all things) at school "I don't want you using the premises to conduct your business!"
Well he was the Headmaster.
"What about chimneys?"
"Well is it really a living? I don't buy a new car every year."
"Well it's not your thing is it?"
"That's not the point."
Today making myself a cup of tea at the L's I reached for the milk and a fridge magnet caught my eye. Picking it off the door I realised it was a product from the company started by my best friend from primary school (Queens award to industry, £10 million turnover).
Of course this is a direct continuation of making stuff for those Church Bring & Buy sales when we had our own stall and I told him what to do.
And then later his father gave me a bollocking for selling home made cricket bats (of all things) at school "I don't want you using the premises to conduct your business!"
Well he was the Headmaster.
22nd October. High Street Anarchy.
Gazing up the High Street of Newburgh from the vantage of the P's chimney stack, one is suddenly struck by the fact that there are not two houses alike.
Even though each property adjoins another and they're all either two or three stories high and follow the line of the pavement the effect is one of something that evolved and just ended up that way for no particular reason.
Obviously it plays havoc with where the wheelie bins should be stored and there's no off street parking. To ensure compliance the whole street should be demolished to make way for something properly planned out like the uniformity of council houses you can see when you look the other way from the chimney.
Why is it when humans plan things out it always ends up so crap?
It's like those experiments in investment planning with chimpanzees and stockbrokers. the chimps tend to do better.
Even though each property adjoins another and they're all either two or three stories high and follow the line of the pavement the effect is one of something that evolved and just ended up that way for no particular reason.
Obviously it plays havoc with where the wheelie bins should be stored and there's no off street parking. To ensure compliance the whole street should be demolished to make way for something properly planned out like the uniformity of council houses you can see when you look the other way from the chimney.
Why is it when humans plan things out it always ends up so crap?
It's like those experiments in investment planning with chimpanzees and stockbrokers. the chimps tend to do better.
21st October. Tesco Fatties 10k Fun Run
A fit looking woman, microphone attached, takes us through a warm up routine, Isabelle joins in along with the other competitors, commenting on the fact that I appear to have no sense of rhythm. The whole surreal scene resembles those morning routines for Japanese workers.
The trainer clad masses shuffle towards the start line whilst Isabelle heads either to the restaurant or to sleep in the car.
Once we are off I pass quite a few people, I can actually see the guy at the front, for one half-baked moment I think 'I could win this.'
The sign says 2 km only a fifth of the distance so far - 'jeez'.
All part of the psychology. Then at 5 km there's a bit of relief - halfway.
From that point onwards other runners start coming past, people who are either better prepared, more determined or genetically superior.
The trainer clad masses shuffle towards the start line whilst Isabelle heads either to the restaurant or to sleep in the car.
Once we are off I pass quite a few people, I can actually see the guy at the front, for one half-baked moment I think 'I could win this.'
The sign says 2 km only a fifth of the distance so far - 'jeez'.
All part of the psychology. Then at 5 km there's a bit of relief - halfway.
From that point onwards other runners start coming past, people who are either better prepared, more determined or genetically superior.
18th October. Modern Life.
The K's mansion is largely empty either by design or lack of funds, both have full time jobs in some sort of professional capacity, the two kids attend state school and come home daily to a handwritten note detailing how to microwave whatever their mother prepared in the morning, "..there's ice cream in the fridge...".
Mrs K looks a bit tired around the eyes what with work and all the hoovering as these houses were really built to be staffed by servants, Mr K is rarely seen.
The Council Tax must be as hefty as it gets, not to mention the heating bill which leaves little over for fancy cars or private education.
The K's life is representative of the current obsession with home ownership and having a crippling mortgage,
Mrs K looks a bit tired around the eyes what with work and all the hoovering as these houses were really built to be staffed by servants, Mr K is rarely seen.
The Council Tax must be as hefty as it gets, not to mention the heating bill which leaves little over for fancy cars or private education.
The K's life is representative of the current obsession with home ownership and having a crippling mortgage,
17th October. Hot Air.
Spacious detached houses like the K's appeal to readers of 'Homes & Gardens' and the like but as Mrs K herself said "I thought if we had a stove put in as additional heating we might be able to sit and watch the TV (wide screen HD) without having to wear a coat."
Personally I have my doubts as much of the space in spacious is vertical, above your head with the high ceilings.
As we all know when air is heated it expands, becomes less dense and rises. When you throw in a large wide central staircase and radiators in every room, so much air is rising up to the second floor, cold air is often drawn down the chimney all the way from the top of the roof.
Then the irrate customer phones up "We tried to light the stove for the first time and the house filled with smoke - you must have blocked our chimney."
Personally I have my doubts as much of the space in spacious is vertical, above your head with the high ceilings.
As we all know when air is heated it expands, becomes less dense and rises. When you throw in a large wide central staircase and radiators in every room, so much air is rising up to the second floor, cold air is often drawn down the chimney all the way from the top of the roof.
Then the irrate customer phones up "We tried to light the stove for the first time and the house filled with smoke - you must have blocked our chimney."
16th October. Mouse Water.
" I was running the bath and the hot water just stopped coming out of the tap, now it doesn't come out of any of the others."
"I'll have a look tonight."
Sure enough, no hot water but no outward visible signs of anything wrong either, just a bit of corrosion in the cold water tank.
I put my thumb over the end of the overflow pipe and plunge up and down in a provocative manner in the depths of the cold water with a sink plunger.
There are a few gurglings and the water eventually starts flowing again, except now its all a bit grey looking and smells as if something has died, "Probably the corrosion." I say assuringly. Sorted!
Isabelle has been scooping any particles out of the bath with a cup before immersing herself - "Look at that one its got skin and hair on it."
"I'll have a look tonight."
Sure enough, no hot water but no outward visible signs of anything wrong either, just a bit of corrosion in the cold water tank.
I put my thumb over the end of the overflow pipe and plunge up and down in a provocative manner in the depths of the cold water with a sink plunger.
There are a few gurglings and the water eventually starts flowing again, except now its all a bit grey looking and smells as if something has died, "Probably the corrosion." I say assuringly. Sorted!
Isabelle has been scooping any particles out of the bath with a cup before immersing herself - "Look at that one its got skin and hair on it."
15th October. Head Injury Implicit.
"I've got another job for you, that's if you're still in business?"
It's the woodchip boiler salesman on the phone in the morning alluding to recent events involving gravity and stainless steel pipes.
"Yes I'm still in business" I say but don't take him up on the subject implicit.
That evening traipsing around another muddy farmyard he intoduces me to Mr. Double-Barrelled surname who is forking out £25,000 for a heating installation that looks like it's going to need a small forest to keep it going...
"Will you be needing any help with the chimney?" asks the country gent.
J. the woodchip boiler man preempts my answer - "No, no, a completely clear area would be preferable."
It's the woodchip boiler salesman on the phone in the morning alluding to recent events involving gravity and stainless steel pipes.
"Yes I'm still in business" I say but don't take him up on the subject implicit.
That evening traipsing around another muddy farmyard he intoduces me to Mr. Double-Barrelled surname who is forking out £25,000 for a heating installation that looks like it's going to need a small forest to keep it going...
"Will you be needing any help with the chimney?" asks the country gent.
J. the woodchip boiler man preempts my answer - "No, no, a completely clear area would be preferable."
14th October. Forging An Iron Self Will.
"You're not making it sound very attractive" commented Stuart after my return from an 8 km run, (discussion last night had centred on approaches to scaling down Stuarts midrift).
"Well I went cross-country but I'd forgotten about that river and the banks were knee deep in nettles..."
"...And you had your shorts on?"
"Well I did see a Heron... I had to take my shoes off, it's quite deep actually."
"Yeah but why do it if you don't enjoy it?"
"I suppose it makes you feel better but only after it stops."
"Well I went cross-country but I'd forgotten about that river and the banks were knee deep in nettles..."
"...And you had your shorts on?"
"Well I did see a Heron... I had to take my shoes off, it's quite deep actually."
"Yeah but why do it if you don't enjoy it?"
"I suppose it makes you feel better but only after it stops."
13th October. History Lesson.
Whilst taking down the scaffolding at the scene of the recent industrial incident I overhear Mrs P. explaining what must now be the official version of events to the local Joiner, another potential victim, who was standing below in the woodchip bin.
The explanation is that Mr P. "Fell into the woodchip bin landing on the concrete floor sustaining a collapsed lung and a fractured skull."
"He was lucky" said the potential victim - sans hard hat.
Any mention of falling objects seemed to have been airbrushed away or glossed over.
Here we are able to see "History" in the making - a mere two weeks later the scaffolding is down and the truth is soon edited, cemented over like the now obscured blood stained concrete.
The explanation is that Mr P. "Fell into the woodchip bin landing on the concrete floor sustaining a collapsed lung and a fractured skull."
"He was lucky" said the potential victim - sans hard hat.
Any mention of falling objects seemed to have been airbrushed away or glossed over.
Here we are able to see "History" in the making - a mere two weeks later the scaffolding is down and the truth is soon edited, cemented over like the now obscured blood stained concrete.
12th October. No Worries!
Mrs G. welcomes me today as Mr G. is away raking in the dosh (hopefully).
I address the question of whether the G's will be wallpapering around the new fireplace opening? As this affects the plastering operation in some subtle way...
"Great! No worries!" She adds.
Obviously this turn of phrase, indeed attitude, has been borrowed wholesale from Mr G. or vis-versa, the only difference is the bacon is on a roll instead of sliced bread.
Maybe they were drawn to each others similarities, either that or it's evidence of how people living together grow together, becoming indistinguishable in the twilight years before dying within about two hours of each other - Brilliant!
In fact, no worries!
I address the question of whether the G's will be wallpapering around the new fireplace opening? As this affects the plastering operation in some subtle way...
"Great! No worries!" She adds.
Obviously this turn of phrase, indeed attitude, has been borrowed wholesale from Mr G. or vis-versa, the only difference is the bacon is on a roll instead of sliced bread.
Maybe they were drawn to each others similarities, either that or it's evidence of how people living together grow together, becoming indistinguishable in the twilight years before dying within about two hours of each other - Brilliant!
In fact, no worries!
11th October. Great! Brilliant! cont...
"I'm not even going to ask how you got that liner up on the roof and down the chimney! Brilliant! It's all coming together now!
Great!"
(I couldn't live with all that positivity, how does his wife cope?)
"Bacon sandwich? - Great! No problem I'll get cooking! Tea or coffee?"
Although I suppose... it has it's compensations.
Great!"
(I couldn't live with all that positivity, how does his wife cope?)
"Bacon sandwich? - Great! No problem I'll get cooking! Tea or coffee?"
Although I suppose... it has it's compensations.
10th October. Great!
Mr G. is happy to see his slate hearth installed "Brilliant!" "Superb!" "Great!" - Mr G. throws around superlatives where others might employ understatement or even sarcasm.
Not long ago one retired Dundonian assessed the completed installation from the comfort of the settee and said "That looks fucking terrible!" This was neither understatement nor sarcasm.
To get back to Mr G. I think he only says these things because he's expecting the worst all the time - that way he's constantly delighted with the results.
I base this assessment on the fact that Mr G. locked the front door even when he was just going down to the car in the street and back.
You could say that was just force of habit, a habit based on - caution
Not long ago one retired Dundonian assessed the completed installation from the comfort of the settee and said "That looks fucking terrible!" This was neither understatement nor sarcasm.
To get back to Mr G. I think he only says these things because he's expecting the worst all the time - that way he's constantly delighted with the results.
I base this assessment on the fact that Mr G. locked the front door even when he was just going down to the car in the street and back.
You could say that was just force of habit, a habit based on - caution
9th October. Health & Safety Cont...
"Could you do me a favour and put these hard hats on? There was an 'incident' here last week and I don't want to be responsible for another."
These two dudes had been drafted in to complete the wood chip store that Mr P. (now under Doctors orders) had fallen into.
The morning had started wet so I had the place to myself the only concern being that everything was wet, still a simple plunge to earth would be straightforward enough without any guilt.
Mr P. had the stiches out this morning - you'd think head injury would be fresh on his mind what with that and being dosed up with pain killers, but everyone seemed quite unconcerned about the two new potential victims who were now going to be below me.
"Have you got any more hard hats?" I put it to Mr P.
"Yes down in the workshop - oh and could you take down the old chimney while you're up there?"
Jeez!
"Get that *ucking hard hat back on!" I yell to one of the dudes below as I cut through the uppermost supporting bracket of the asbestos chimney...
These two dudes had been drafted in to complete the wood chip store that Mr P. (now under Doctors orders) had fallen into.
The morning had started wet so I had the place to myself the only concern being that everything was wet, still a simple plunge to earth would be straightforward enough without any guilt.
Mr P. had the stiches out this morning - you'd think head injury would be fresh on his mind what with that and being dosed up with pain killers, but everyone seemed quite unconcerned about the two new potential victims who were now going to be below me.
"Have you got any more hard hats?" I put it to Mr P.
"Yes down in the workshop - oh and could you take down the old chimney while you're up there?"
Jeez!
"Get that *ucking hard hat back on!" I yell to one of the dudes below as I cut through the uppermost supporting bracket of the asbestos chimney...
8th October. Serious Stuff.
It's funny that when Mr P. phoned me and I answered my mobile in the bedroom of Villa Casanova in Venice all those months ago, it would set in motion a chain of events that would almost kill him.
In effect what he was really saying "I'd like you to come round and put me in hospital."
Today's drive up to the P's mansion held a certain amount of foreboding, that is proper foreboding, not irrational foreboding.
I don't think Mrs P. was best pleased with my attempt to kill her husband. Naturally she was the first person I met coming out of the back door.
"It was really all my fault" I confessed.
(The fact is even in the unlikely event of Mr P wearing a hard hat it wouldn't have done anything for the collapsing of the lung which was due to the blow on the back.)
"It's nice of you to say so."
Due to Mr P's height the scar on the back of his head will be largely out of sight to anyone closer to the average.
This whole incident isn't really something that can be made light of, I find.
"He's still looking a bit pale" I remark to the gardener.
"He's looking a *uck of a lot better than last Monday though!" was his answer.
In effect what he was really saying "I'd like you to come round and put me in hospital."
Today's drive up to the P's mansion held a certain amount of foreboding, that is proper foreboding, not irrational foreboding.
I don't think Mrs P. was best pleased with my attempt to kill her husband. Naturally she was the first person I met coming out of the back door.
"It was really all my fault" I confessed.
(The fact is even in the unlikely event of Mr P wearing a hard hat it wouldn't have done anything for the collapsing of the lung which was due to the blow on the back.)
"It's nice of you to say so."
Due to Mr P's height the scar on the back of his head will be largely out of sight to anyone closer to the average.
This whole incident isn't really something that can be made light of, I find.
"He's still looking a bit pale" I remark to the gardener.
"He's looking a *uck of a lot better than last Monday though!" was his answer.
7th October. Crap/Crap/Crap.
Entered the Stirling Duathlon - Run/Bike/Run, last nights meal out with Mr and Mrs Junior ensured a complete pre race evacuation - that black bean sauce certainly was HOT!
It's not really an excuse but having recently taken on Isabelles cold I did feel a bit ill.
Thermostat didn't seem to be working and so I wasn't sure how much clothing to wear.
Once isabelle was settled down in the cafeteria at the sports centre the race began - two laps running the field soon thinned out.
Once out on the bike I passed various people taking advantage of the new riding position based on the teachings of Dr Oeteker involving heating the seat tube red hot and bending it (my own idea) giving a saddle postion much further forward.
However some determined younger women kept re-overtaking me - it was almost like a race, I felt like knocking her off her bike but in the end just felt nauseous - i thought I was going to throw up before I got back to the transition area.
The running was awful, sprinting to the line I felt kind of hot.
Returning to the cafeteria I found Isabelle in exactly the same position with a magazine eating a risotto, she glanced up "You look very red" was her comment, (it's all about colour for Isabelle.)
"You're not kidding."
It's not really an excuse but having recently taken on Isabelles cold I did feel a bit ill.
Thermostat didn't seem to be working and so I wasn't sure how much clothing to wear.
Once isabelle was settled down in the cafeteria at the sports centre the race began - two laps running the field soon thinned out.
Once out on the bike I passed various people taking advantage of the new riding position based on the teachings of Dr Oeteker involving heating the seat tube red hot and bending it (my own idea) giving a saddle postion much further forward.
However some determined younger women kept re-overtaking me - it was almost like a race, I felt like knocking her off her bike but in the end just felt nauseous - i thought I was going to throw up before I got back to the transition area.
The running was awful, sprinting to the line I felt kind of hot.
Returning to the cafeteria I found Isabelle in exactly the same position with a magazine eating a risotto, she glanced up "You look very red" was her comment, (it's all about colour for Isabelle.)
"You're not kidding."
3rd October. Forty-Eight.
Birthday today.
By coincidence we are viewing my former residence offers over £65,000.
I stand at the bathroom doorway re-enacting in my mind the moment when Juniors Mother came back from a pregnancy test.
"So what was the result?"
"I'm pregnant."
"Oh well" I said.
One of those falling stainless steel pipe moments - does it hit or not?
Oops!
Fuck it!
The only birthday present that mattered is that Mr P. by his own account, has survived the pipe incident.
By coincidence we are viewing my former residence offers over £65,000.
I stand at the bathroom doorway re-enacting in my mind the moment when Juniors Mother came back from a pregnancy test.
"So what was the result?"
"I'm pregnant."
"Oh well" I said.
One of those falling stainless steel pipe moments - does it hit or not?
Oops!
Fuck it!
The only birthday present that mattered is that Mr P. by his own account, has survived the pipe incident.
2nd October. Bad Luck/ Good Luck.
After a relatively sleepless night I spent a fair bit of the morning mulling over the seriousness of yesterdays events.
I phoned up the Estate Office to enquire about Mr P"s progress but it was engaged for ages then there was no answer.
This allowed me to speculate that things had taken a turn for the worse and Mr P. may have even died.
This isn't a nice feeling at all I reflected, to feel responsible for someone elses death?
In the afternoon the office phone was answered and Mr P. was due out of hospital at 3 pm.
His daughter phoned in the evening then passed me on to Mr P. himself who thankfully sounded normal -
"Yes... it was quite interesting actually, I've had a complete body scan... I don't want you to go blaming yourself for what happened.. anyway you're supposed to wear a hard hat on a site like that..."
The verdict was one collapsed lung and a fractured skull.
"What happens with that then?"
"Oh they put a tube down and reinflated the lung, I've had stitches and the skull just joins up again itself pretty quickly."
"It was when the pipe hit me on the back, if it had hit me on the head first - I don't think I'd be here."
I phoned up the Estate Office to enquire about Mr P"s progress but it was engaged for ages then there was no answer.
This allowed me to speculate that things had taken a turn for the worse and Mr P. may have even died.
This isn't a nice feeling at all I reflected, to feel responsible for someone elses death?
In the afternoon the office phone was answered and Mr P. was due out of hospital at 3 pm.
His daughter phoned in the evening then passed me on to Mr P. himself who thankfully sounded normal -
"Yes... it was quite interesting actually, I've had a complete body scan... I don't want you to go blaming yourself for what happened.. anyway you're supposed to wear a hard hat on a site like that..."
The verdict was one collapsed lung and a fractured skull.
"What happens with that then?"
"Oh they put a tube down and reinflated the lung, I've had stitches and the skull just joins up again itself pretty quickly."
"It was when the pipe hit me on the back, if it had hit me on the head first - I don't think I'd be here."
1st October. Really Bad Things Do Happen.
"I don't need an ambulance, I'll be ok." said Mr P as he struggled to draw breath, face white as a sheet and eyes looking decidedly vacant.
"I think you're going to have to go to hospital" I said looking at the gash on the back of his head the visible skull and the amount of blood.
(This is fucking awful about as fucking awful as things get), I thought I'd killed him. The fact is he is seriously injured.
"Bugger it" says Mr P,. as if to emphasise the fact that you just can't rewind reality and replay it again.
"It's unfortunate." i reply.
I didn't actually see it happen but two sections of stainless steel pipe had rolled off the scaffolding and of all the places to fall seemed to have fallen on Mr P, I just heard him getting all the wind knocked out of his lungs.
Then to compound the issue, what I did see was him then falling as if in slow motion ten feet into the half built wood chip container onto the new concrete.
Someone else had now phoned for an ambulance which has to come all the way from Perth.
You're not meant to move after possible spinal injury but Mr P. sudddenly gets to his feet and climbs up the ladder out of the hole I steady him then he lies down on the grass breathing getting more painful, by the sound of it.
Family members are each in turn shocked by his appearance.
I feel shocked myself and responsible for this turn of events, "it was me that put the pipe up there' I say 'It was my fault."
"Don't worry about it" says Mr P. "These things happen."
"JEEZUZ" i think.
Eventually Mr P.is carted off in the ambulance.
"I think you're going to have to go to hospital" I said looking at the gash on the back of his head the visible skull and the amount of blood.
(This is fucking awful about as fucking awful as things get), I thought I'd killed him. The fact is he is seriously injured.
"Bugger it" says Mr P,. as if to emphasise the fact that you just can't rewind reality and replay it again.
"It's unfortunate." i reply.
I didn't actually see it happen but two sections of stainless steel pipe had rolled off the scaffolding and of all the places to fall seemed to have fallen on Mr P, I just heard him getting all the wind knocked out of his lungs.
Then to compound the issue, what I did see was him then falling as if in slow motion ten feet into the half built wood chip container onto the new concrete.
Someone else had now phoned for an ambulance which has to come all the way from Perth.
You're not meant to move after possible spinal injury but Mr P. sudddenly gets to his feet and climbs up the ladder out of the hole I steady him then he lies down on the grass breathing getting more painful, by the sound of it.
Family members are each in turn shocked by his appearance.
I feel shocked myself and responsible for this turn of events, "it was me that put the pipe up there' I say 'It was my fault."
"Don't worry about it" says Mr P. "These things happen."
"JEEZUZ" i think.
Eventually Mr P.is carted off in the ambulance.
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