Third in the Otter/Me Series of events saw defeat in the Jobbie Aquathon by two and a half minutes.
The Otter's swim time was compromised by gagging on the saltwater but not compromised enough apparently.
"Where else can you see fit birds in Lycra - outside?" announces the Otter "It's the outside bit that gets me."
It's becoming apparent that the very real improvement in run time is driven simply by chasing after attractive women in skin tight clothing.
27th September. To Infinity And Beyond!!
Had to draw down funding from the Otter to make sure of entry into Ironman France 2009.
Dear oh dear. Of course without endless weeks of training the result will be no result - just DNF or even DEATH.
The Otter is confident of finishing even at this stage of the process although probably not if the event was tomorrow...
Tomorrow the event is the Tampon Jobbie Hyperdermic Aquathon offshore of Leith, an early start.
"Phone me at 6.30" says The Otter "I'm not very good at waking up."
The grey waters of the Forth promise a rude awakening.
Dear oh dear. Of course without endless weeks of training the result will be no result - just DNF or even DEATH.
The Otter is confident of finishing even at this stage of the process although probably not if the event was tomorrow...
Tomorrow the event is the Tampon Jobbie Hyperdermic Aquathon offshore of Leith, an early start.
"Phone me at 6.30" says The Otter "I'm not very good at waking up."
The grey waters of the Forth promise a rude awakening.
24th September. The Otter's Lost The Plot.
This blog appears to have degenerated into nothing other than guff about Triathlons.
Now the Walrus/Otter has lost it completely after receiving that award, signing up for every available upcoming event remaining on the calendar.
Aquathons, Half Marathons, Duathlons, 24hr Mountain Biking (Eeee Gads!) needless to say I feel compelled for some strange reason to follow suit.
I've just paid thirteen quid to wallow in and swallow no doubt the grey waters of the Firth of Forth just along from Leith.
What springs to mind is sanitary towels and worse making their way down the estuary still it should all be over in a matter of fourteen minutes for me and much less for the Otter.
Then there'll be an opportunity to save face with the following 5km sprint to a photo finish?
What are Ladbrokes offering ?
What takes the biscuit though was the announcement of the Otter's fully paid up entry into Ironman France 2009,
Really who could be arsed?
Now the Walrus/Otter has lost it completely after receiving that award, signing up for every available upcoming event remaining on the calendar.
Aquathons, Half Marathons, Duathlons, 24hr Mountain Biking (Eeee Gads!) needless to say I feel compelled for some strange reason to follow suit.
I've just paid thirteen quid to wallow in and swallow no doubt the grey waters of the Firth of Forth just along from Leith.
What springs to mind is sanitary towels and worse making their way down the estuary still it should all be over in a matter of fourteen minutes for me and much less for the Otter.
Then there'll be an opportunity to save face with the following 5km sprint to a photo finish?
What are Ladbrokes offering ?
What takes the biscuit though was the announcement of the Otter's fully paid up entry into Ironman France 2009,
Really who could be arsed?
21st September. I'm a Failure - The Walrus Picks Up An Award.
"I don't know why you carried on and went up The Ben, I'd have gone to the Pub." said the victorious "Sea Otter" formally known as The Walrus.
The early dip in Loch Linnhe just opposite Morrisons gave the Walrus/Otter a head start, despite frittering away about 8 mins in Transition 1 pfaffing around with base layers.
Then as predicted, more or less, my Big Ben Nevis Triathlon unravelled with automatic failure due to Natural Weakness and a complete breakdown of the No-Training Policy particularly with respect to the hated Mountain Biking.
"Take those last two off and put them on to the run they're five minutes past the cut off point for starting the fourth lap." said the Big Chief indicating me and some other hapless weakling.
So that was the end of the Mountain Biking, three laps instead of the four, to be quite honest I was getting a bit cheesed off with the 90km of two wheel hell by this point.
Well I thought it's all over now what's the effing point? so I stopped for a cup of tea with some of the marshalls at the foot of the tourist path to Britains highest point before pressing on.
A harsh reality check - I was going to be robbed of even the satisfaction of properly completing the race let alone vanquishing the formerly obese, I'd be simply marked down as DNF. DNF!
I'd only gone on about quarter of a mile further when who should come trotting up behind but the Sea Otter, with completion of the requisite four laps and a now guaranteed victory in hand.
This was of course, barring some chance fracture or knee dislocation during the hell-for-leather descent back to the town centre.
Anyway the awards were dished out later in the Ben Nevis Inn.
"...And each year we like to present a special prize... this year to..."
Yes, you've guessed it ... basically
A prize for not being fat.
There is loud applause.
The early dip in Loch Linnhe just opposite Morrisons gave the Walrus/Otter a head start, despite frittering away about 8 mins in Transition 1 pfaffing around with base layers.
Then as predicted, more or less, my Big Ben Nevis Triathlon unravelled with automatic failure due to Natural Weakness and a complete breakdown of the No-Training Policy particularly with respect to the hated Mountain Biking.
"Take those last two off and put them on to the run they're five minutes past the cut off point for starting the fourth lap." said the Big Chief indicating me and some other hapless weakling.
So that was the end of the Mountain Biking, three laps instead of the four, to be quite honest I was getting a bit cheesed off with the 90km of two wheel hell by this point.
Well I thought it's all over now what's the effing point? so I stopped for a cup of tea with some of the marshalls at the foot of the tourist path to Britains highest point before pressing on.
A harsh reality check - I was going to be robbed of even the satisfaction of properly completing the race let alone vanquishing the formerly obese, I'd be simply marked down as DNF. DNF!
I'd only gone on about quarter of a mile further when who should come trotting up behind but the Sea Otter, with completion of the requisite four laps and a now guaranteed victory in hand.
This was of course, barring some chance fracture or knee dislocation during the hell-for-leather descent back to the town centre.
Anyway the awards were dished out later in the Ben Nevis Inn.
"...And each year we like to present a special prize... this year to..."
Yes, you've guessed it ... basically
A prize for not being fat.
There is loud applause.
13th September. Big Ben Nevis Tri - You What?
I'll have to kill myself if The Walrus beats me.
Then I probably won't have to because I'll have already killed myself in the process.
This is nuts and I hate Mountain Biking as for running up Ben Nevis at the end, honestly who could be arsed.
Not me.
"Why don't you do the half one?" he says.
"What so I can preface everything by saying but The Walrus did the whole thing?"
These extreme events eh?, one weeks training and a pair of Clarks sandals, that should be enough d'you think?"
Then I probably won't have to because I'll have already killed myself in the process.
This is nuts and I hate Mountain Biking as for running up Ben Nevis at the end, honestly who could be arsed.
Not me.
"Why don't you do the half one?" he says.
"What so I can preface everything by saying but The Walrus did the whole thing?"
These extreme events eh?, one weeks training and a pair of Clarks sandals, that should be enough d'you think?"
8th September. Haddington Sprint Triathlon.
I actually pass three people during the cycle, maybe I'll break the 1hr 20 barrier.
I quiz a man in the white van with a lap top where all the various wires end up from the timing apparatus.
"1 hr 22 mins"
Christ! after ten triathlons this year I've maybe gained a whole minute but hold that result - the cycle route was 0.1 of a kilometre shorter.
In other words virtually no change.
I may have reached the ceiling of the no training necessary policy.
I quiz a man in the white van with a lap top where all the various wires end up from the timing apparatus.
"1 hr 22 mins"
Christ! after ten triathlons this year I've maybe gained a whole minute but hold that result - the cycle route was 0.1 of a kilometre shorter.
In other words virtually no change.
I may have reached the ceiling of the no training necessary policy.
1st September. Another Pointless Exercise.
“I could stand here and discuss it with you all day but we’re not taking anymore registrations.”
So the third Llanwrst Triathlon will be memorable for being a virtual triathlon.
I stand as a non-participant watching some of the early morning slower competitors emerging from the pool.
“Christ! Ed, are you still here!” banters one of the Marshalls with a Senior Citizen struggling with his socks in Transition 1. “D’you need a hair dryer Ed?”
Then as he wheels his bike to the starting line:
“Hey Ed?”… “Ed?”
“What?”
“You forgot your sandwiches!”
So the third Llanwrst Triathlon will be memorable for being a virtual triathlon.
I stand as a non-participant watching some of the early morning slower competitors emerging from the pool.
“Christ! Ed, are you still here!” banters one of the Marshalls with a Senior Citizen struggling with his socks in Transition 1. “D’you need a hair dryer Ed?”
Then as he wheels his bike to the starting line:
“Hey Ed?”… “Ed?”
“What?”
“You forgot your sandwiches!”
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