Grating one knee on tarmac is hardly the best preparation for Alpine Mountaineering or glacier travel in general.
It really is a Total Arse Up.
However a couple of days walking up to the Bertol Hut and back to acclimatize will provide an excellent indication for the week ahead or even years ahead.
Unless there is wheelchair access?
See link.
http://www.cabanebertol.ch/gallery/hiver-2008/hd/16.jpg
27th July. Complete Arse Up.
I knew for certain that I was just going too fast to get round this particular corner under a railway arch on the old A9.
It had somehow slipped my memory that it's sharper than it looks, which was academic and after the fact.
Such a nice day too, bone dry, with a temperature in the mid-twenties, too hot to be wearing anything more than light jeans because "I'm not going to fall off anyway."
So if anything crossed my mind it might have been "this is going to hurt."
It's ironic that not half an hour before I'd been discussing with a prospective client now an ex-climber about the irreversible stretching of knee ligaments etc
Anyway nothing broken according to A&E, apart from the right footrest.
It had somehow slipped my memory that it's sharper than it looks, which was academic and after the fact.
Such a nice day too, bone dry, with a temperature in the mid-twenties, too hot to be wearing anything more than light jeans because "I'm not going to fall off anyway."
So if anything crossed my mind it might have been "this is going to hurt."
It's ironic that not half an hour before I'd been discussing with a prospective client now an ex-climber about the irreversible stretching of knee ligaments etc
Anyway nothing broken according to A&E, apart from the right footrest.
20th July 2008. Loch Ore Vomiting.
Junior came along to zip up my wet suit and tell me how he really wouldn't want to be swimming in Loch Ore on a sunday morning.
The trouble was I couldn't actually find Loch Ore and time was going on for registration I had to stop and ask a battered looking Ex-miner.
To be honest they've made a lovely job of the former coal tip.
And then I'd forgotten to bring my bike helmet. No helmet no race as they say.
However once underway the waters proved to be like a warm bath compared to the jellyfish experience of the previous week.
I'd decided to go all out and so ended up throwing up coming through Lochgelly of all places, too much muesli maybe?
Overall fairly crap about halfway up or down the field depending whether you're a glass half empty or half full kind of guy.
The trouble was I couldn't actually find Loch Ore and time was going on for registration I had to stop and ask a battered looking Ex-miner.
To be honest they've made a lovely job of the former coal tip.
And then I'd forgotten to bring my bike helmet. No helmet no race as they say.
However once underway the waters proved to be like a warm bath compared to the jellyfish experience of the previous week.
I'd decided to go all out and so ended up throwing up coming through Lochgelly of all places, too much muesli maybe?
Overall fairly crap about halfway up or down the field depending whether you're a glass half empty or half full kind of guy.
14th July. Swimming With Jellyfish.
"This is MEN-TAL!" states a member of the Tyne and Wear fire services in a north-east accent as we wade en-masse into the waves of the North Sea avoiding stepping on the masses of dead jellyfish on the beach.
It's a daunting prospect, waves, wind and cold water. The few spectators look cold and they've got several more layers of clothing on.
The worst thing is having to do two circuits. The idea is that you wade back out again through the jellyfish, round a pole stuck in the sand then repeat the whole thing again. Why?
"To check that you're still alive!"
I'm in the second wave, that is, the more naturally old and weak.
After about two minutes of trying to swim into the onshore swell, catching glimpses between the peaks and troughs of the rest of the field getting ahead with one goggle leaking in brine, my weaker self is getting a bit panicky and gaining the upper hand.
"Really two laps of this with a time constraint on the first one? it's all too much, head for the shore IMMEDIATELY, it definitely is mental you can't do it. This is pointless"
It's a daunting prospect, waves, wind and cold water. The few spectators look cold and they've got several more layers of clothing on.
The worst thing is having to do two circuits. The idea is that you wade back out again through the jellyfish, round a pole stuck in the sand then repeat the whole thing again. Why?
"To check that you're still alive!"
I'm in the second wave, that is, the more naturally old and weak.
After about two minutes of trying to swim into the onshore swell, catching glimpses between the peaks and troughs of the rest of the field getting ahead with one goggle leaking in brine, my weaker self is getting a bit panicky and gaining the upper hand.
"Really two laps of this with a time constraint on the first one? it's all too much, head for the shore IMMEDIATELY, it definitely is mental you can't do it. This is pointless"
10th July. "It's a F****ing Miracle!"
" I may need you to take me to hospital..."
says the distant voice of The Bulk from a roadside mobile phone call.
I set off with the trailer to pick up any wreckage of the recently run-in Honda motorcycle.
Rounding a corner I see the new-look slimmer Bulk kneeling before two uniformed Police like in some Latin American execution of street urchins.
However this position is something to do with suspected broken ribs from a ploughing match conducted up the grass verge.
The other vehicle involved was nowhere to be seen since it had passed that way completely on the other side of the road.
The explanation could be a jet lagged Continental convinced they were still on another continent or simply a case of mental abberation.
says the distant voice of The Bulk from a roadside mobile phone call.
I set off with the trailer to pick up any wreckage of the recently run-in Honda motorcycle.
Rounding a corner I see the new-look slimmer Bulk kneeling before two uniformed Police like in some Latin American execution of street urchins.
However this position is something to do with suspected broken ribs from a ploughing match conducted up the grass verge.
The other vehicle involved was nowhere to be seen since it had passed that way completely on the other side of the road.
The explanation could be a jet lagged Continental convinced they were still on another continent or simply a case of mental abberation.
6th July. Chicken Reanimated.
Aileen had clearly not only lost her job but her mind as well, evidenced by the contents of the Bosch Fridge freezer.
When the electricity had been cut off she must have hot-footed it back to her mother's but that was about three months ago.
A variety of meats had liquified in the freezer and a cooked chicken, barely recognisable, had as it were been brought back to life in the fridge.
Luckily it was bin collection day in the High Street so I was able to distribute these and other foodstuffs around peoples wheelie bins.
"Your losing something out of that bag." said an elderly man following me down the pavement.
Sure enough there was a tell-tale line straight to a group of bins like footprints in the snow. Luckily it turned out to be salt or sugar rather than a trail of putrefaction.
When the electricity had been cut off she must have hot-footed it back to her mother's but that was about three months ago.
A variety of meats had liquified in the freezer and a cooked chicken, barely recognisable, had as it were been brought back to life in the fridge.
Luckily it was bin collection day in the High Street so I was able to distribute these and other foodstuffs around peoples wheelie bins.
"Your losing something out of that bag." said an elderly man following me down the pavement.
Sure enough there was a tell-tale line straight to a group of bins like footprints in the snow. Luckily it turned out to be salt or sugar rather than a trail of putrefaction.
2nd July. Springwatch Blasting.
Rolling up the C's drive I was met by a dead body in the grass the victim of a fatal shooting last night, stiff as a board.
"I see there's a fox in the driveway" I said to Mr C. Snr as the kettle spilt over the top of the Aga which fizzed around like Sodium reacting with water, "Was that you?"
"Say again"
"A DEAD FOX IN THE DRIVEWAY" Mr C. snr is a bit hard of hearing probably from years of shooting at things.
" Oh no that was Mike! there's a lot of them about."
Mike's sole purpose seems to be reducing numbers of wildlife in the immediate area.
Personally I'd have welcomed that fox and given it carte blanche to 'legitimately' reduce the numbers of fowl chez nous.
"I see there's a fox in the driveway" I said to Mr C. Snr as the kettle spilt over the top of the Aga which fizzed around like Sodium reacting with water, "Was that you?"
"Say again"
"A DEAD FOX IN THE DRIVEWAY" Mr C. snr is a bit hard of hearing probably from years of shooting at things.
" Oh no that was Mike! there's a lot of them about."
Mike's sole purpose seems to be reducing numbers of wildlife in the immediate area.
Personally I'd have welcomed that fox and given it carte blanche to 'legitimately' reduce the numbers of fowl chez nous.
1st July. Hey Joe?.....Pardon?
The fallout from this years Blues festival was that Isabelle came away with a DVD entitled The Paul Rose Rock & Blues Guitar Tutorial then bought a replacement for the missing top E string of my Stratocaster copy, missing since about 1990.
"It doesn't sound like Paul Rose's guitar is it a Fender?".
"Well he relys on volume as the main effect like Hendrix, the amp's not turned up enough."
This is going to be a difficult phase, not just for the budgies who've never heard the likes but for everyone else as well including the neighbours.
"It doesn't sound like Paul Rose's guitar is it a Fender?".
"Well he relys on volume as the main effect like Hendrix, the amp's not turned up enough."
This is going to be a difficult phase, not just for the budgies who've never heard the likes but for everyone else as well including the neighbours.
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