Thunder and lightning played havoc outside as the rain lashed against the skylights here in the room upstairs. The options for Hogmanay had to be considered, these included driving to Edinburgh not being able to park or drink, watching the fireworks in the rain surrounded by tens of thousands of drunks then getting stuck in traffic; enduring the neighbours and having to kiss people who ignore you for the rest of the year or overeating at the Royal George, playing a board game with F & D then having an argument about some aspect of the rules.
I had the Steak Pie but shouldn't have eaten the cream cake part of the High Tea. The flatulence that followed a few hours later gave a slight variation on the traditional 'First Footing' of the New Year at Muirhall Drive... much to everyone elses disgust.
30th December. Unnatural Gas.
Felt a bit dead this morning. Took the remains of the PC around to Alistair, who took the hard drive thingy out of it. After plugging it into his computer he said it was similarly deceased, that's what I can tell the Inland Revenue if there's any dissecting of last years accounts. Before I left, I managed to stink out the front room, the back room and the kitchen in his house, a consequence of last nights over indulgence, "heavy aromatic compounds" he said.
29th December. Sick Outside The Fishermans.
The annual private function in Broughty Ferry was drawing to a close. I made a bee-line for the swing doors with a growing sense of urgency, politely ignoring any attempts at long-winded farewells from fellow drinkers. Once outside on the pavement the dizzieness heralded an out-of-stomach experience, such as is seen all over Britain amongst binge drinking young people. However any illness was quickly washed away by the rain or carried on the gale which had sprung up from the river.
The doors swung open and Isabelle came out of the bar walking towards me then quickly assessing the situation, "Eeeyuch! I've walked in your vomit."
The doors swung open and Isabelle came out of the bar walking towards me then quickly assessing the situation, "Eeeyuch! I've walked in your vomit."
28th December. That Hen Again.
No sooner was the house heated up again and who should come calling but 'Hettie the Intelligent Hen', who recently has got too clever by far.
"It's practically taken over the kitchen, that bird has" I said.
"You should have seen her face this evening" Isabelle said. "I just looked out of the door and her face was full of purpose, just saying 'Open the door'."
The real purpose is for the hen to wander about the kitchen knocking the cats' water bowl over, perching on my shoulders, pecking at any odd bits of cat litter, then after about 8pm retiring to a cardboard box in the bedroom. Hettie likes to sleep late.
"It's practically taken over the kitchen, that bird has" I said.
"You should have seen her face this evening" Isabelle said. "I just looked out of the door and her face was full of purpose, just saying 'Open the door'."
The real purpose is for the hen to wander about the kitchen knocking the cats' water bowl over, perching on my shoulders, pecking at any odd bits of cat litter, then after about 8pm retiring to a cardboard box in the bedroom. Hettie likes to sleep late.
27th December. Cold Comfort Here.
Arrived back here with the heating off for almost a week, took me right back to the days of going to bed with cold feet.
Back then, when Isabelle first arrived here, we used to sit there in the kitchen with coats on and Isabelle would wear a scarf and gloves, and you could see your breath. A tank of central heating oil lasted three years. Needless to say by the second year an ultimatum was delivered, and a 50:50 compromise worked out; heating on during the day but off at night.
Back then, when Isabelle first arrived here, we used to sit there in the kitchen with coats on and Isabelle would wear a scarf and gloves, and you could see your breath. A tank of central heating oil lasted three years. Needless to say by the second year an ultimatum was delivered, and a 50:50 compromise worked out; heating on during the day but off at night.
26th December. How to Order a Coffee.
Isabelle was surprised then appalled when she discovered the reason the man behind the bar at The London Hotel had served up two black coffees as well as two white coffees. This was clear evidence of another case of 'Are you on drugs?' syndrome; the inability to communicate the simplest of requests by word of mouth.
Isabelle and Junior gave me a thorough grilling on speech habits, not being bothered, and not willing to make any effort regarding enunciation etc. Junior determined to enlighten me further with the use of the newly acquired video technology of his mobile phone, as to just how much of a retard (for want of a better word) I come over as. Some progress has been made on that front I must admit.
Isabelle and Junior gave me a thorough grilling on speech habits, not being bothered, and not willing to make any effort regarding enunciation etc. Junior determined to enlighten me further with the use of the newly acquired video technology of his mobile phone, as to just how much of a retard (for want of a better word) I come over as. Some progress has been made on that front I must admit.
25th December. Xmas Morning Care Home Dialogue.
"Will you be coming tonight?"
"Probably not, but we're all here now."
"NOW's no good is it!! It's Christmas night that matters! They're all going out! It's not much of a prospect is it? It's not very nice being on your own on Christmas night. They're all going out, I'll be on my own."
(Pause) 'Will you be coming tonight?"
"Yes, we'll be coming tonight."
"Oh! please yourselves! Don't come if you don't want to!"
(Pause) "I don't want you here! DON'T come then!"
(Pause) "What are you doing tonight? I'll be on my own", etc...
"Probably not, but we're all here now."
"NOW's no good is it!! It's Christmas night that matters! They're all going out! It's not much of a prospect is it? It's not very nice being on your own on Christmas night. They're all going out, I'll be on my own."
(Pause) 'Will you be coming tonight?"
"Yes, we'll be coming tonight."
"Oh! please yourselves! Don't come if you don't want to!"
(Pause) "I don't want you here! DON'T come then!"
(Pause) "What are you doing tonight? I'll be on my own", etc...
24th December. Christmas Eve Morning Day.
Xmas meal No.1 passed off as planned but only I opted for Turkey. The others wanted to save themselves for tomorrow and the next day. Total cost came out at £47 including drinks for five people, less than a meal for one at last years Xmas Day prices at The Talardy just down the road.
Mother got a bit teary, going on about 'being a burden' etc, when I had to wheel her through to the disabled toilets for another gymnastic session. I made light of the situation commenting that old age was simply a fact of life, before wheeling her back for Xmas Pudding.
The savings made at the Tweedmill Xmas Eve economy dinner have to be offset against the almost inevitable purchase by Isabelle of a coat here at the trade outlet. We must also include in the calculation, the £89 worth of M&S Christmas food we have to consume tomorrow whilst Mother has her own dinner along with the other Care Home inmates.
Mother got a bit teary, going on about 'being a burden' etc, when I had to wheel her through to the disabled toilets for another gymnastic session. I made light of the situation commenting that old age was simply a fact of life, before wheeling her back for Xmas Pudding.
The savings made at the Tweedmill Xmas Eve economy dinner have to be offset against the almost inevitable purchase by Isabelle of a coat here at the trade outlet. We must also include in the calculation, the £89 worth of M&S Christmas food we have to consume tomorrow whilst Mother has her own dinner along with the other Care Home inmates.
23rd December. Tony Blair.
Mother failed the Tony Blair Test this morning, the closest answer to who the Prime Minister is? was Tony... Benn, "well I don't like him anyway", she said of the current PM, (Whatever his name is presumably).
Technically getting the first letter of the surname right gives a final score of 5 out of 9 letters. This equates to scraping through with a pass mark of 55.5%.
Technically getting the first letter of the surname right gives a final score of 5 out of 9 letters. This equates to scraping through with a pass mark of 55.5%.
22rd December. Father Ted Meets Google.
My brother (70) has been threatening for a while to enter the digital age but to date still lacks a computer. What do you need a computer for eh? 'Junior' has a computer but no internet connection, honestly in this day and age! How can anyone live without Google? For instance if you'd been watching a xmas episode of Father Ted and wondered what year it was made. but not having received a Classical education how could you find out what the Roman numerals XCVI mean, without leaving your seat? is it 86 or 96?
This is an example of one of many invaluable services the home computer can provide. Does this mean that General Knowledge may go the same way as mental arithmetic since we've all had pocket calculators? Duh... just a minute there... I'll have to google that one...
This is an example of one of many invaluable services the home computer can provide. Does this mean that General Knowledge may go the same way as mental arithmetic since we've all had pocket calculators? Duh... just a minute there... I'll have to google that one...
21st December. Christmas Dinner-Bargain!
Departure for "Sunny" Rhyl is scheduled for tomorrow. It was my idea to have Christmas one day earlier than normally advertised.
Mother is now, to be perfectly frank, at a stage in life where one day is pretty much like any other. It's maybe unfair to go as far as to say she doesn't know what day it is, and also, when I tried her out last visit, she still passed the Tony Blair Test with full marks. Why pay all that money for a meal out on the one day in the year when they bump up the price of Turkey all because of Baby Jesus? You can get a perfectly adequate Christmas dinner at the "Tweedmill" any time up to three weeks before 'His' official birthday, with wheelchair access, disabled toilets and you can pick up a cut price pair of jeans at the same time. Another advantage is that my brother won't have to defy the laws of physics by being in two places at once on the 25th, but will still be able to eat Christmas dinner twice, as we all will, even Mother, who still has a remarkable digestion at 92.
She will probably have forgotten anyway, by the time she's eating turkey with all the trimmings again a day later in the care home.
Mother is now, to be perfectly frank, at a stage in life where one day is pretty much like any other. It's maybe unfair to go as far as to say she doesn't know what day it is, and also, when I tried her out last visit, she still passed the Tony Blair Test with full marks. Why pay all that money for a meal out on the one day in the year when they bump up the price of Turkey all because of Baby Jesus? You can get a perfectly adequate Christmas dinner at the "Tweedmill" any time up to three weeks before 'His' official birthday, with wheelchair access, disabled toilets and you can pick up a cut price pair of jeans at the same time. Another advantage is that my brother won't have to defy the laws of physics by being in two places at once on the 25th, but will still be able to eat Christmas dinner twice, as we all will, even Mother, who still has a remarkable digestion at 92.
She will probably have forgotten anyway, by the time she's eating turkey with all the trimmings again a day later in the care home.
20th December. Interlude At the Health Centre.
Clocked in at Glaver St, first thing but Nurse Grey pulled Isabelle up short on the subject of having a syringe stuck in my arm.
"We can't just take blood willy-nilly you know, we can only do a chloresterol test on the request of a Doctor. Does he have a heart condition? It's only the immediate family history that matters".
"Yes, but he eats a lot of butter and cheese".
"What difference would him knowing his chloresterol level make? We should all try to eat a healthy diet anyway" countered Nurse Grey.
"That's ok" I said, "I don't really mind. Actually, I've got a touch of Trypanophobia" I said looking at a syringe filling up with Isabelle's rare warm blood. Luckily there was no more requirement for additional puncturing in the form of boosters for Typhoid and the like, vis-a-vis the next upcoming tropical soujourn. That was according to the now uploaded medical records.
Just to make sure, Nurse Grey hauled out the original files, I mean can you really trust anything on a computer screen I thought, as she perused an on-line map of Malaria incidence in Vietnam. "I think Trang-Bang's there" I said, pointing to the red shaded area which just about covered the whole country.
"We can't just take blood willy-nilly you know, we can only do a chloresterol test on the request of a Doctor. Does he have a heart condition? It's only the immediate family history that matters".
"Yes, but he eats a lot of butter and cheese".
"What difference would him knowing his chloresterol level make? We should all try to eat a healthy diet anyway" countered Nurse Grey.
"That's ok" I said, "I don't really mind. Actually, I've got a touch of Trypanophobia" I said looking at a syringe filling up with Isabelle's rare warm blood. Luckily there was no more requirement for additional puncturing in the form of boosters for Typhoid and the like, vis-a-vis the next upcoming tropical soujourn. That was according to the now uploaded medical records.
Just to make sure, Nurse Grey hauled out the original files, I mean can you really trust anything on a computer screen I thought, as she perused an on-line map of Malaria incidence in Vietnam. "I think Trang-Bang's there" I said, pointing to the red shaded area which just about covered the whole country.
19th December. Ladderwork- a Proactive Approach
The McBs work on the principle, that as far as the house goes, he makes most of the decisions, Mrs McB only has to decide when to hoover or when to go out to the shops, which are in easy walking distance. Recently bereaved, Mrs McB made a point of mentioning before going out to the shops mid-morning "to be careful on those ladders with the ice and frost", which was nice. I must admit it had already crossed my mind, as a precaution I decided to take my mobile phone with me. The reasoning behind this was; in the event of a fall onto say the conservatory roof if I regained consciousness to find myself half paralysed, or maybe just with a fractured pelvis I might be stuck there and end up suffering from exposure before Mrs McB finally came back from the town. I nipped out into the street as I'd forgotten the name of the house should I need to give directions to the emergency services.
18th December. That Rob Liddle Thing-Ch. 4.
Re: The Trouble With Atheism.
According to Mr Liddle the dangerous vacuum left by the disappearance of Religion would leave us all living in something akin to a Marxist state operating a system of Eugenics. Well to be honest a package tour to the Soviet Union of the mid 1980's left me with the distinct impression they'd just swapped one set of religious icons for another; the same profile of Lenins head everywhere you looked. Can anyone seriously equate so-called Atheist states with a network of Gulags as encouraging the habit of thinking for yourself. As for Hitler, Atheism and whatever, the way I have it, Hitler was latterly off his trolley and a ruthless dictator to boot who used any means possible to achieve some crackpot notion of World domination. Even if Hitler was an Atheist It's tantamount to saying because Hitler was a vegetarian anyone that doesn't eat meat should be watched very carefully indeed.
According to Mr Liddle the dangerous vacuum left by the disappearance of Religion would leave us all living in something akin to a Marxist state operating a system of Eugenics. Well to be honest a package tour to the Soviet Union of the mid 1980's left me with the distinct impression they'd just swapped one set of religious icons for another; the same profile of Lenins head everywhere you looked. Can anyone seriously equate so-called Atheist states with a network of Gulags as encouraging the habit of thinking for yourself. As for Hitler, Atheism and whatever, the way I have it, Hitler was latterly off his trolley and a ruthless dictator to boot who used any means possible to achieve some crackpot notion of World domination. Even if Hitler was an Atheist It's tantamount to saying because Hitler was a vegetarian anyone that doesn't eat meat should be watched very carefully indeed.
17th December. Last Post?
Tomorrow, Monday, facing up to the grim reality of another large house with beige carpeting in the living room. Beige carpet matches well with everything except soot, cement dust or any kind of mud or bootprint. Access to the top of the chimney is compromised by a conservatory which has "a flat bit on top that a ladder could stand on." However Conservatory is just another name for Glasshouse with all its attendant vulnerabilities to 30 feet of chimney liner. Frost is also set to add interest to the proceedings... This may be my last post.
16th December. 'Tiddles'-Your Profile.
In a dramatic turn of events 'Tiddles' became involved in a medical drama which was to ultimately cost, not her life, but £44.75. 'Tiddles' has, for some fourteen years, proved to be a very low maintenance cat and has never been back to the vets since the official hysterectomy. She enjoys the violin and also popular brass band melodies but only when whistled. She has in her time dabbled in soft drugs such as Catmint but her premier addiction remains Tesco Cat Crunchies. 'Tiddles' is a firm believer in a no-exercise approach to life and is very fond of central heating.
15th December. Perth Crematorium.
Skirting round the town on the by-pass a little earlier than usual I notice something that isn't usually there; a plume of fairly thick smoke rising straight up above the now leafless trees. For a moment, I thought, in a provincial town nowadays conspicuously lacking in any heavy industry, what enterprise could account for this level of pollution or indeed permit such a spread of contaminants?
Then i realised the factory in question at one time sighted on the outskirts of town and obscured by trees is now actually only separated by the said trees from the main road. We are here speaking of what has become a growth industry of late and a success story that's projected to continue for a number of years. Despite the freeing up of the marketplace the factory still enjoys a local monopoly.
Then i realised the factory in question at one time sighted on the outskirts of town and obscured by trees is now actually only separated by the said trees from the main road. We are here speaking of what has become a growth industry of late and a success story that's projected to continue for a number of years. Despite the freeing up of the marketplace the factory still enjoys a local monopoly.
14th December. 'The Swimming'
Tonight, due to a misapprehension regarding 'Swim Club' I find I'm the only swimmer in the entire Leisure Pool. It's still required that I be watched by two attendants to comply fully with current health & safety. It feels like either this is my own private 25 metre pool with a permanent staff or I'm in an aquatic version of 'The Shining'. One attendant opens the door directly to the rain and wind until a particularly strong gust slams the door shut again... then all of a sudden the pool turns red and I'm swimming in blood.
13th December. 10 Years Older.
Arrived this morning to another closely worded A4 sheet of instructions regarding the eventual appearance of the fireplace for Mrs S. To be fair there was included an apology for this degree of fussiness and a hint that this increases with age, "You must think I'm..."
Yes well, it's a far cry from Mr R for instance who left his front door unlocked having instructed me to do "Whatever you think best". Thereby trusting me to make any decision that came into my head with regard to the aesthetics, which he would then live with presumably for the next ten years or so.
Isabelle relaxes, glued to that formulaic '10 years Younger' thing on Ch 4 where normally some woman agonises over the eventual appearance of something, usually her face...
Yes well, it's a far cry from Mr R for instance who left his front door unlocked having instructed me to do "Whatever you think best". Thereby trusting me to make any decision that came into my head with regard to the aesthetics, which he would then live with presumably for the next ten years or so.
Isabelle relaxes, glued to that formulaic '10 years Younger' thing on Ch 4 where normally some woman agonises over the eventual appearance of something, usually her face...
12th December. Jack Spratts' Chloresterol Level.
For some reason, Isabelle has us booked in at Glaver Street for a Chloresterol Level check, probably sparked by some kind of dietary concern. If I'm anything like my late uncle who took the Coronary Thrombosis route, I've only about five years to go. Whereas Mother seems to have no heart trouble despite a lifetime of eating 'good food', i.e. meat and gravy.
If Jack Spratt (who ate no fat) and his wife (who ate no lean) had their levels checked, the results should correlate well with ours, as well as between them, licking the platter clean.
If Jack Spratt (who ate no fat) and his wife (who ate no lean) had their levels checked, the results should correlate well with ours, as well as between them, licking the platter clean.
11th December. "A Big Dog Has Died."
When I got in the door tonight Pete was sitting there with Callum drinking tea at the kitchen table and Isabelle said straightaway "A big dog has died"
"Who, Max?" I said, referring to a particular long-lived mongrel. "No a big DOVE". Sure enough there was this huge Wood Pigeon in a shoe box, dead as a proverbial Dodo. The bird had been brought over for convalescence but hadn't reacted well to the change of environment, I don't think it was very well in the first place and so when it got a bit worked up it did itself in.
It'll probably just go in the Wheelie bin without any formal ceremony as it's collection day tomorrow, Tuesday. I doubt if they'll be a burial down in the garden since no one really knew the Wood Pigeon, it was a bit of a non-entity. If it had been more of a survivor like those ex-town centre birds 'Donnie' or 'Whistle' they might have interbred and produced a Pove or a Digeon...
"Who, Max?" I said, referring to a particular long-lived mongrel. "No a big DOVE". Sure enough there was this huge Wood Pigeon in a shoe box, dead as a proverbial Dodo. The bird had been brought over for convalescence but hadn't reacted well to the change of environment, I don't think it was very well in the first place and so when it got a bit worked up it did itself in.
It'll probably just go in the Wheelie bin without any formal ceremony as it's collection day tomorrow, Tuesday. I doubt if they'll be a burial down in the garden since no one really knew the Wood Pigeon, it was a bit of a non-entity. If it had been more of a survivor like those ex-town centre birds 'Donnie' or 'Whistle' they might have interbred and produced a Pove or a Digeon...
10th December. News of a Spontaneous Remission in The Comrie Area.
I'll be writing shortly to Pope Benedict XVI to submit a report on the miraculous cure of the horrible noise from the front differential, which has simply vanished in the last couple of days.
"There exists no natural cause capable of producing the cure witnessed, it follows there is neither let nor hindrance to prevent an unbiassed mind from tracing back to the particular agency of God. Those who refuse to believe in this miraculous intervention may seek a scientific interpretation of the occurrence. How do we know that some natural force of which we are still ignorant does not operate this marvellous cure which is attributed directly to God?" How do we know? Why should this law operate for Daihatsu and not for Toyota? Is it because they deny its existence and the others believe in it? Moreover, not only there does not exist, but there cannot exist, and consequently will never exist, a natural law producing instantaneously the regeneration of bearing surfaces."
"There exists no natural cause capable of producing the cure witnessed, it follows there is neither let nor hindrance to prevent an unbiassed mind from tracing back to the particular agency of God. Those who refuse to believe in this miraculous intervention may seek a scientific interpretation of the occurrence. How do we know that some natural force of which we are still ignorant does not operate this marvellous cure which is attributed directly to God?" How do we know? Why should this law operate for Daihatsu and not for Toyota? Is it because they deny its existence and the others believe in it? Moreover, not only there does not exist, but there cannot exist, and consequently will never exist, a natural law producing instantaneously the regeneration of bearing surfaces."
9th December. The Dragons' Cave.
Ronnie tells me there's a cave on Kinnoul Hill called The Dragons' Cave, Apparently St.Serf was up there and did a bit of slaying in the 5th century. He did the same trick at Dunning where the upper part of the village is still referred to as 'The Draygon'.
The obvious question is What exactly did The Saint slay? It's really no different today as far as some of the more wackier reports go, except its more likely to be Alien abductions than Dragons in lairs. Saint Serf could easily have been off his trolley, but there's a simpler explanation, given just how bunged up with belief and superstition the populous must have been if today's anything to go by.
A young woman has gone missing, (who in reality had run off to the bright lights of Perth) a crime where the Dragon is clearly the culprit, the villagers are terrified of the wood, so they call in 'The Saint'. Saint Serf goes off into the wood finds nothing of course - comes back and to shut up the villagers, reassures them that the dragon is dead, (making light of his role in its death). Now they can all get on with daily life as normal, and there won't be any need to bother him again. However St Serf has made a rod for his own back and it's not long before he gets a call about another different Dragon problem... and so the legend grew amongst the people.
The obvious question is What exactly did The Saint slay? It's really no different today as far as some of the more wackier reports go, except its more likely to be Alien abductions than Dragons in lairs. Saint Serf could easily have been off his trolley, but there's a simpler explanation, given just how bunged up with belief and superstition the populous must have been if today's anything to go by.
A young woman has gone missing, (who in reality had run off to the bright lights of Perth) a crime where the Dragon is clearly the culprit, the villagers are terrified of the wood, so they call in 'The Saint'. Saint Serf goes off into the wood finds nothing of course - comes back and to shut up the villagers, reassures them that the dragon is dead, (making light of his role in its death). Now they can all get on with daily life as normal, and there won't be any need to bother him again. However St Serf has made a rod for his own back and it's not long before he gets a call about another different Dragon problem... and so the legend grew amongst the people.
8th December. Dance To The Sound of The Band 'SOUND CHECK' at Ruth's 40th.
The two bands (which later proved to be one band twice over) set up and carry out all the necessary sound checks commensurate with playing Shea Stadium, this takes about 2 to 3 hours - it's going to be a late night. Children carriere around on skate boards in the festively lit steading, adults drift in then out to the fire in the yard, circulating back to the kitchen, becoming progressively inebriated. A rival acoustic set featuring some of the more musical guests plays inside the house, which is warmer. Then music starts issuing from the steading, "The bands started!" No, just another long 2 minute sound check.
At some point the Celtic band which is the warm-up, commences, the adults leap about and twirl around but it's all rather short-lived, as the instruments soon have to be packed up. The 2nd 'heavier' band start adjusting and fiddling about with microphone stands etc... I take the opportunity to join in the fun to be pushed around lying on a skateboard by an eight year old. When the rock band finally gets going they have to stop to retune again, something to do with the low ambient temperature. After a short set there is a 'break for drinks' then not long into the 2nd set there is an interlude when the drummer has to leave to go for a pee...
At some point the Celtic band which is the warm-up, commences, the adults leap about and twirl around but it's all rather short-lived, as the instruments soon have to be packed up. The 2nd 'heavier' band start adjusting and fiddling about with microphone stands etc... I take the opportunity to join in the fun to be pushed around lying on a skateboard by an eight year old. When the rock band finally gets going they have to stop to retune again, something to do with the low ambient temperature. After a short set there is a 'break for drinks' then not long into the 2nd set there is an interlude when the drummer has to leave to go for a pee...
7th December.The Knackered Front Prop Shaft.
Just a nonsense, rolling about in the rain, water dripping down the neck, everything siezed or rusted solid and now I'm so blind I can't read the sizes on the spanners. This is what always happens, you find something wrong, something satisfying, something that fits all the symptoms of 'the Noise' or whatever the problem happens to be, "Ah that's it! definitely found it, I'm absolutely certain of that" You remove or replace the offending article. In this case, well I won't bore you with the details, but what was a 4WD vehicle is now a 2WD. So everything's sorted out and makes perfect sense until you jump in and drive away and discover that the time and energy spent has made precisely no difference whatsoever.
The moral is that just about everything that hasn't actually been demonstrated or tested is wishful thinking.
The moral is that just about everything that hasn't actually been demonstrated or tested is wishful thinking.
6th December. I See My Future.
I was only saying the other day how reliable the Daihatsu has been, virtually no involvement rolling around underneath a vehicle for two years. I was congratulating myself on not having anything to do with Land Rover which although offering easily available spares has the disadvantage of always needing them.
However on the return journey tonight there was the beginings of a noise. A noise that sounds like a bearing in distress, an intermittent growling. I engaged four wheel drive to see what would happen, the result was much worse, it felt like the transfer box was filled with gravel rather than oil, that's assuming it ever had oil in it. I can see a spell of rolling around outside looming. The rain is on again and that will ensure that the drive is thoroughly wetted by tomorrow. As luck would have it, these problems nearly always crop up in winter, but then thanks to global warming it is mild for December. ("It's an ill wind that blows no good")
However on the return journey tonight there was the beginings of a noise. A noise that sounds like a bearing in distress, an intermittent growling. I engaged four wheel drive to see what would happen, the result was much worse, it felt like the transfer box was filled with gravel rather than oil, that's assuming it ever had oil in it. I can see a spell of rolling around outside looming. The rain is on again and that will ensure that the drive is thoroughly wetted by tomorrow. As luck would have it, these problems nearly always crop up in winter, but then thanks to global warming it is mild for December. ("It's an ill wind that blows no good")
5th December. An Open Door.
Things took rather a sinister turn tonight after repeated phone calls from one of the two single mum tenants, it was the one that had her arm in plaster when she moved in. Anyway, she had returned home to find the door to the flat unlocked, the hall light on, and a piece of paper with Isabelle's contact details on the mat outside. "Had Isabelle been in the flat today?" Well no, not unless there is an Etheric double in existence.
The prime suspect of course in these cases has to be the estranged husband. A changing of the doorlock seemed to be the obvious course and was duly authorised. 'Hell hath no fury like, errr... a person scorned'.
The prime suspect of course in these cases has to be the estranged husband. A changing of the doorlock seemed to be the obvious course and was duly authorised. 'Hell hath no fury like, errr... a person scorned'.
4th December. Formulating a General Rule From Flat Renovation.
It was said right at the begining, even before an offer had been made, that the flat in question "just needs a shower." I said that "maybe i didn't need to be involved at all, you could just get a plumber, I wouldn't even need to see the flat". Six months later a shower is half-installed, one of the last things in what has proved to be a long on-going list. As a general rule its safe to say that if anything "just needs.." you may find yourself straying into a fictional world where the Lion may as well lie down with the Lamb.
This also applies to "All you need is..." Such things as 'love', ' to be able to recognise a good compromise', ' a sense of humour', 'faith in yourself'. These are all certainly handy things to have but no closer to reality than "Just needs a shower."
This also applies to "All you need is..." Such things as 'love', ' to be able to recognise a good compromise', ' a sense of humour', 'faith in yourself'. These are all certainly handy things to have but no closer to reality than "Just needs a shower."
3rd December. Leisure Pool Soundtrack.
They certainly play all the hits at the Leisure Pool... of the 1980's. When the place opened in about 1986, it was the hits of the 1960's. I distinctly remember weekday pensioners bobbing around to the sound of 'My Generation' which seemed wildly incongruous at the time but not so much now, if we're talkin' 'bout that particular generation. 'Just because we g-get around' must refer to getting around with a zimmer frame or battery powered trike and they'll be little hope of 'dying before I get old', or indeed causing much of a s-s-senation for that g-g-generation, baby.
I'd like to propose another verse:
It's all just a chemical process (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
And when I die no one 'll notice (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
I'd like to propose another verse:
It's all just a chemical process (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
And when I die no one 'll notice (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
2nd December. Audio Phases.
Haven't been to the library for over a year now, it's another phase that comes and goes, taking out cd's that I've never heard of. There's a point when I'd heard of most of them and you have to wait another couple of years until there's some new stock come in. Isabelle stopped the strumming-at-a-guitar-with-a-delay-pedal phase as it was 'repetitive' but the trance-like state that the very repetition and echo provided was the main attraction. Then there was the violin, remarkable progress was made in a short time during that particular era but once enrolled at Perth College something about being 'taught' killed it dead. The same thing happened with the speech therapy phase when the speech therapy woman asked me if I could move a radiator in their house. I bought this pipe freezing kit which worked quite well, sawed through the frozen central heating pipe, then there was some problem with the size of pipe olives or something. Time slipped by, during which the frozen pipe melted and a fountain of hot water started to play on the floorboards. The speech therapist was moving house the next day and a bit uptight, I folded the pipe over with pliers several times which never quite staunched the flow, then made my excuses,,, and that was the end of that particular phase.
1st December. A TARDIS* in The Garden.
The Hen House is scheduled, not for demolition, but conversion into a studio/summerhouse/TARDIS. There's even talk of a kitchen sink (as in everything and...), a three seater setee, a french style glass fronted armoire, an HD ready flat screen TV, shelves carrying every Vogue back to the mid 90's, a fridge, a microwave, and reputedly, enough cushions to soften any reality, including the interior dimensions. "Have you ever tried swinging a cat in there? I'm not sure it's possible" was my comment.
*Time And Relative Dimension (or Dimensions) In Space.
*Time And Relative Dimension (or Dimensions) In Space.
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