Turns out Mr C. works offshore pressing buttons on a Gas rig somewhere in the North Sea. "All controlled by computers."
Yeah well, what isn't. I said "Total? Didn't they own Piper Alpha? Was that a gas explosion!"
"Yes, but they learnt a lot from that."
You know some people are just too nervous to have a wee dribble of gas in their house, let alone spend their working life on a platform with 15% of the UK's supply rushing out at a pressure of 80 bar - "Have you got a light mate?' - KAAFUCKINGBOOM!
And then Mr C. has been suffering the effects of Carbon Monoxide Poisoning in his own living room, there seems to be no escape from the dangers of gas.
"The gas board condemned the installation at Christmas but it was the gas board who installed the stove."
"You mean they weren't happy with themselves at all?"
"Well it was one of their subcontracters - 'Gas Solutions' or something from Fife."
"You mean 'Final Solution' more like, say the whole family had nodded off and never woken up, what kind of New Year would that have been?
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