17th January. How To Spend £290 In Less Than Half A Second.

The Apple, newly returned to operational normality last week, tipped just beyond equilibrium when I pressed 'Print'.

Falling approximately 868mm to the wooden floor made a heavy thud followed by a stern rebuke from the environs of the television.

"It's still working I assured."

In the morning switching it on revealed a grey screen with an apple in the middle but nothing further even after half an hour.

"What could have caused that?" said the Apple repair man on the phone.

"I don't know..."

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