14th February. Blind Date/Mystery Meat.

We are led by our waiter who is either partially sighted or not sighted at all, to be seated in total darkness and we're talking like a coal mine here.

Matt Damon gave a glowing testimonial to the Unsicht Bar experience but then we could be sitting at the next table to Madonna and you'd never know, maybe the darkness is the main attraction for Hollywood types?

"There is your beer sir in front to the right."

There is the sound of chatting and background music and occasionally people barging into things.

Of course this is "Valentins tag", in theory you could take all your clothes off, do anything you like, sort of thing because no one else can see you.

"You can certainly eat with your mouth open" I say to Isabelle with a mouthful of salad which I seem to have got hold of all at once.

We have opted for the "Surprise menu". There was some debate as to what the worst surprise could be? Maybe live octopus or even just spaghetti bolognese.

I'm convinced that my entree consists of a plate of pickled onions with lettuce, "If I get another pickled onion I'll go mad" I say chasing what's left around the plate

The main dish could be pork or beef according to Isabelle who also claimed hers "Smells of piss" which I thought was going a bit far and I'm sure it's chicken.

I think the dessert was a tinned pear in chocolate sauce with maybe a bit of squirty cream.

"The whole meal's probably only cost £2.50 to make..."

"And then they charge you a fortune and you never even know what you ate...Brilliant!" I echo.

"They certainly save on electricity and never need to redecorate, we could be sitting in a lock-up garage."

Once led back out from pitch-black to dimly-lit we are able to view the actual menu...

"Seasonal greens with marinated goose with a mango and apricot dressing?"

"Never!"

"Potato & bacon gnocchis, soy-coconut goose with marinated red cabbage"

followed by some exotic dessert.

No mention of pickled onions at all.

"If I'd known I was eating goose I would have really savoured it" said Isabelle.