20th April. All The Speed of a Dying Turtle

This morning there was this kid, 16, going up and down the pool at a rate of knots I'd only be able to keep up for 2 lengths, and he wasn't red in the face or out of breath or anything and by the time the fire alarm went off he'd already done 150. It's just depressing i mean the likes of Talkative ken, Feisty E. and the Tattooed Ironman, even Durham Dave they're all faster but not that much and they all had to stop and make way for that bloody kid and they just stood and stared from the shallow end it was just depressing. "I could never be that fast whatever i did" bleated Feisty E. "What sort of attitude is that? I said. But secretly as a consistent loser I'm warming to my latest idea - Lands End to John O'Groats without a bicycle, just running. That's been done, even somebodys Granny did it in 12 days 15hrs and its 840 miles. It's unlikely anyones done it barefoot though even the Naked Rambler had boots on if nothing else and besides he's only got as far as The Bar-L. This would be a sort of a variation on the "If you can't be famous you can always be infamous" thing. Currently I can only manage about a quarter of a mile on tarmac. Maybe the whole thing's not possible? Chavs and broken glass, needles etc could be a problem, have to keep the route hush hush.