24th March. When People That Live Here Die.

Just in case we were both killed on the M90, Isabelle felt it necessary to leave word about Tigger, who wasn't coming to Edinburgh and was staying in the kitchen, because if we died no one would know and Tigger's bladder would explode (see previous).

After a few days, as well as the dead cat, they would find on the kitchen table a pair of 'Shimano Dura Ace' pedals awaiting fitment, and a cheap heart rate monitor. They'd say "Well, he's never going to do that Triathlon now, is he? Some of this stuff might fetch a bit on e-bay, otherwise the rest can go to charity shops. And oh, can you phone Holden's Environmental for a skip"?

A couple of days should be enough to completely clear away one's existence. Well, three days maximum, that's how long it took me to destroy the remaining evidence of the previous owners thirty year occupancy of this house.