1st May. Welcome to "It's a Political Knock-Out."

Back with the Aristocracy today, and Lord Thingy of Whatsy literally gave his life to public service, despite being an unelected peer.

Considered to be one of the finest minds in the Judiciary, at the age of 79 he still felt that he "Had a good mind and may as well use it rather than just sitting around", Lady Thingy told me.

However a mind cannot function without a brain and probably as a direct consequence of overwork Lord Thingy had a pretty severe stroke. Now the sitting around is rigidly enforced by his own body. "It's like being held prisoner" that's what Lady T. said.

I said it must be hard to let go when you have the power to make decisions that affect other peoples lives, a bit like "Our Tony".

Anyway, in a couple of days we can all go out shopping for new Politicians and vote for 'real change', if you can be bothered and you're still capable. It's a choice between Red, Blue, Yellow, Green and, so I've heard, the Grey team.

Somebody said the contest shouild be fought by a Monster Truck race and whoever comes over the line wins, but Politics has long been considered a "Dirty Game", the Romans were certainly a bunch of back stabbers. So the Monster Truck thing is maybe a bit too straight forward.

Bare knuckle fighting would disadvantage women, but would make better television. Putting them all in a Celebrity Big Brother house would be too boring and wouldn't increase the present ratings unless each carried their own choice of blade. Perhaps one of the more extreme Japanese-style game shows could be the answer?

I think just letting cadidates fight it out in a huge vat of custard with some kind of premium rate telephone voting would set the right tone for a civilized society, Simon Cowell could be involved.

Let the Viewers decide.