16th July. Mr High-Voltage Motivator.

Concluded at Alistair's leaking conservatory, I said the works are fully guaranteed until it starts raining.

He seems sceptical of the benefits of one session of Hypnotherapy probably because I still sound like I'm on drugs.

I said it could help you with that restless energy problem before you have a medical crisis.

"That's not my problem", he says "The problem is I'm so overweight and unfit, you could be my personal trainer?"

"You've no money but actually I quite like the idea of torturing fat people, I mean introducing them to a gradual exercise program"

"You'd have to shave everyday and wear Lycra."

"I'm not too sure about that, you mean like that Mr Motivator guy that used to be on daytime TV? I was thinking more of using something after the fashion of a cattle prod, once the client has paid in advance and signing a waver of all personal rights."

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