12th December. Nice and New.

No mention of yesterdays fantastic levitation only a request to wear those blue plastic bags over one's boots - of couirse it's the oak flooring.

Honestly, you can see now the level of consternation that would have met a dent in that particular floor.

Minimalism, open plan and newness conspire badly against the tradesman both in terms of how things are 'going to look' and the very unwelcome dust and mess.

Why do they pretend to themselves that they're going to keep it all new looking for eternity?

If they're still together after fifteen years will it look new then? Will she have thrown crockery across the open plan kitchen/ living room, missing him but hitting the woodwork.?

As a general rule, if a couple have spent money on a kitchen worktop custom made in one piece they are probably mental.

I don't know how they can bring themselves to piss in the designer toilet and dirty it.

5 comments:

Amanda said...

Hello. You seem to have a running commentary on the throwing of crockery?

The Editor said...

I've been on the receiving end once.

The Incredible Bulk said...

I thought it was cutlery?

The Editor said...

No no it was a while ago, the my guitar still bears the mark.

karangahape said...

On the matter of using the new toilet, I can almost sympathise - I installed a new ensuite last winter into the spare bedroom and have yet to 'pass solids' into it. That's because it's got a macerator pump on the outlet and I'm paranoid about having to open that up for repairs and having plunge into it, elbow deep etc.....yeugh. Happy to piss in it tho.....keith