23rd February. I'm No Oil Painting.

Mr W. the horse's head painter tells me he's entering the BP Portrait Competition, the world's most prestigious portrait competition.

It's unlikely you could scoop the £25,000 prize with an oil painting of a horse no matter how pretty a face.

Mr W. seats me in the kitchen chair and takes 20 odd photos to form the basis of this next canvas.

"I'll be on display at the National Portrait Gallery" I mention to Isabelle.

"Why did he want to paint you?"

'A lot of character he said."

"What he means is like the face of a homeless person."