THE DAILY ARSE 20th April Beauty and the Tradesman (modified)

Talking of possible breaches of trust ; there was a time a couple of years ago, out in the wilds of Highland Perthshire when I'd been contracted to line a chimney. The tennant of the unmodernised house proved to be a single mum, blonde, with pale blue eyes and not much conversation. She would generally be considered to be "not unattractive"...
The work consisted of standing around on scaffolding in the December wind, trying to work out what would be a reasonable enough time to wait until I could have another cup of tea. During an 11 am trip to the kitchen, whilst waiting for the kettle, the living room door opened and The Woman walked in barefoot wearing only her knickers and a tee-shirt... That was strange enough, given the very low ambient temperature, but not as strange as her complete lack of surprise or embarassment finding me there fumbling around with the tea bags. I thought "Is she just absentminded or just very relaxed about.... things....." The overwhelming feeling was one of fear, mainly because conversation to date had never, as it were, strayed from the awkward exchanging of pleasantries and general queries about the progression of the job. What I wanted to say was "HELP! beam me up Scottie...NOW.."