17th March. NHS Speech Therapy 1.

"The way I see it - if people can't understand me it's their problem not mine, they're just bad listeners."

"Mmmm?"

"I can't express what I feel because it all comes out in a monotone but then I don't want to reveal myself anyway."

"So how do people react?"

"Are you on drugs? Are you drunk? In fact I was refused drink once when I was completely sober, another time the Police thought their breathalyser was on the blink ."

"Well we can start with some basic exercises - try increasing the volume from low to high."

"What should I say?"

"Just say Ah."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"