5th July. Conversation With An Alkie In Crail.

Decided to cycle to Crail for fish cakes and chips only about 90 miles.

There was a bench in the sun but with a tell-tale bottle of White Star cider on the ground, "a favourite amongst the homeless and students, due to its low price, neutral taste and alcohol content of 7.5%."

After about three chips an older male with some noticeable facial scarring and a smell ambles up in a de rigeur quilted brown anorak zipped up to the neck despite a temperature in the high twenties.

"Howzitgoin' big man whereaboutsyecomfy?"

"Bridge of Earn."

"Brigo'earn! ah know it weil.  Ah've a reputation as far as Perth...

A reputation for fightin', MacPhees, Townsleys, ah've brocht them a' doon. 

That bampot in Anstruther he thinks he's hard..."

"Yeah?"

"That bampot in Anstruther, he thinks he's hard, ah'm gonnae see him tonight, he thinks he's hard but he's got anither thing comin', I'm gonnae see him tonight."

I wiz schooled in ev'ry type o' violence it's in ma blood, ma faithers side an' ma mither's, that bam in Anstruther he thinks he's hard but ah'm in a diff'rent league don't get me wrong though mate ah'm no' the kind o' person that'll pick a fight but if you get in ma way ah'd rather pit ye through a shop windae an' that's an end tae it.

Ah wiz a bare knuckle fighter..."

"Yeah?"

Ah've lost ma wife, Ah've lost ev'ry thing mate, and ah don't mean money, Ah could get money ony time but ah've got pride, ah've lost ma wife, ma brother tae, a Sergeant Major in the Black Watch... "

(Silence and long pause for reflection, I eat half a fish cake)

"Ah'm livin' on borrowed time mate..."

"Yeah?"

"Ah've got Cancer... 

but that bam in Anstruther he thinks he's hard, Ah know ev'ry move they make, Ah can watch them, Ah can size a man up an' bring them doon wi' wan blow, karate, kung fu, street fighting Ah ken it a'... ah've lost ma wife, ah've lost ev'rything mate but ah've got pride"

(Pauses to take a swig of White Star)

"Ah was a boxer you know, in the army..."

"Yeah?"

"The Irish army... the IRA.

That bam in Anstruther he thinks he's... "

"D'you want a fishcake? I'm a bit full."

"Nah, no thanks mate ah wuidnae dae that, you finish it aff yoursel'."

"No honestly."

"No ah couldnae dae that mate, ah've got pride..."

"That bam in..... etc etc...